Sunday, February 27, 2005

i've always thought of growing a bonsai. procrastinating abt it since forever. afraid i'll screw it up. in some ways, life is juz like a bonsai. the weather is the environment. when the weather is veri hot, it's like when the going gets tuff. external factors like work stress etc..

it needs time to cultivate. to blossom. i'd like to slowly grow this plant. slowly trim away the leaves and branches to mould it into the desired shape/look u want it to be. perhaps my mistake was thinking that watering the plant often is good for growth. it'll drown. i've learnt.

i hope this plant i've been growing can still be revived with proper care from now onwards. but perhaps it might be too late. i won't give up. coz i realli like this bonsai. i'd never forgive myself if i threw the bonsai away thinking it's dead when actually with the right rehabilitation, it can grow to be like juz any other bonsai. the miniature tree. one that has gone thru the tests of life. can i start afresh? can i grow it all over again?
Blabbered bean @ 20:32 //

Saturday, February 26, 2005

it hurts. it hurts realli bad. but this quote pops up again. what's urs is urs, what's not never was. if u love her, let her go.. if it's meant to be mine, she'll come back. moreover, when u love someone, it should be unconditional love. u shouldn't expect returns.. i like her a lot. yes. so i want her to be happy. juz like i felt apple is happier without me in her life now.. i think maybe i am right all along. i'm not good enough.. i feel lousy.. urgh damn.. let me go watch soccer with jm.. i'm running late. the naive bit of me still longed to be loved by her.. but i will nv wanna force her or be selfish again. i'm sorry..
Blabbered bean @ 20:29 //

juz watched Howl's Moving Castle @ Jubilee. First time i watch a movie there.. Basically the place ain't as lousy as had imagined(other than hving no place to walk around while waiting for the showtime.) small glitches in the place include hving to walk 2 storeys down to the toilet in the middle of the show while i was in a veri comfortable position and also the arm-rests ain't movable. meaning they can't be shifted up so that 2 seats become 1.

the skin on my should blades n shoulders seem to be crackling up. veri dry. occasionally produces itch. i scratch n they redden and pain arrives. perhaps i'll get michelle to apply some moisturizing cream for me later when she comes back. after outfield for 3 days 2 nights at LCK, i seem to need veri little food. the whole day i've oni drank a cup of coffee, ate a nugget of ferrero rocher and drank 3 quarters of a large ice lemon tea. gonna find some decent dinner later.

seeing things as they are, i'm actually worried-sick abt her.. i hate to see her so jaded. must be all the stress.. projects n everything end this friday. i juz hope by next weekend, things will get much better. have belief.. purple piggie.. everything will be fine. we'll juz wait n see.. meanwhile enjoy the bliss a lil'..

later am going to call the jm over to watch soccer n play a bit of games. at least that'll keep me away from interrupting ppl trying to get serious work done.
Blabbered bean @ 17:51 //

Love is not about sharing joys in ur lives together. love is about sharing the woes together too. if u dun believe in ur partner to share ur woes with him/her, u dun give the respect. i wanna be there. i wanna be the one hugging ya, hearing ya out.. u dun hv to feel so responsible that when u fear u might not hv time for me, u opt out. love is about compromise too. there'll be times when i might be busy too. communication. i'd like to talk thru the problems in a relaxed manner. think of solutions together. if not, we suffer together also better..

when i read that you might be crying urself to bed. it hurt so so much. u realli hate to see ur loved one suffering alone. we can suffer together but not alone. i won't bear to leave u in the lurch. how i wish i could be at ur bedside holding u hugging u as i pat ya to sleep. i wanna give u my warmth.. u hv my understanding. but u juz chose not to believe me..

y can't u believe that i can understand? i put myself in ur shoes n thought it thru. i hv experiences with a stressed out partner. n i noe the key would be to talk it thru.. i wanted to when i went down to tp.. but u din want. i could feel u had problems. thus u r giving me up coz u thought u'll hv less responsibility this way. i want u to noe that u hv my support. i dun need you to feel responsible for neglecting me in anyway coz of ur projects n reports which are deadlined next week. i juz wanna be there with u.. always..

i realli realli care for ya.. let me into ur world n let's share the load together. hv the belief for once.. trust me n gimme this chance to share the burden together. communication. say it out. tell me. i may be able to read some problems from the looks of things but i'm bound to miss out some. u can tell me.. u scared i blame u meh? e.g u think i'll blame u when u tell me u dun hv time for me for the time being coz u're busy with projects? it's not ur fault. it's ok. couples do compromise at times. if this little bit i also cannot understand then i dun deserve to be part of this love r'ship either.. so please let me share the burden with u.. i wanna meet up with u to say all these to u. but u're busy with work.. so i'm juz waiting for the rite time to be together with u.. i miss u.. i hope we can meet up..
Blabbered bean @ 01:29 //

Friday, February 25, 2005

sometimes life comes up with happenings that shock the life out of you. juz when u r sad, a miracle happens n joy overcomes ya. juz when u thought u're so blissful, disaster can strike and take away from you the things/people that u value most and put in place sorrow... life ain't fair. nv try to compare. it's not always that when u put in ur best effort, ur heart n soul that u'll get ur juz reward. i've seen ppl who so undeservedly get what they want.

And what's worst? nothing is worst u'll think. let me tell u what's worst. it happening to u more than once. there's no one to blame. it's nobody's fault. juz like in soccer when a team has done everything they can to try n score. but every shot keeps hitting the woodwork. missing by juz that little bit. it's nobody's fault yet that makes it all the more frustrating.

ya noe what i realized? that when things go against the first time, and u pick urself up to go again. and then the same things happen to u a second time, u start to lose faith. i was disillusioned. very. the same feeling i felt a couple of years ago. this is when crossing streets is damn dangerous. u dun hv the urge to change the pace of ur footing to avoid the vehicles coming. but then u nv realli wanna get hit too..

and then platoon sergeant wanna give 3 extras to me. coz i took back my helmet from his office without his knowledge. coz my mood ain't good. i feel like retorting back defiantly.. i wanna stick the helmet in his face n tell him, "This is my helmet. the one i drew a bean on it. i lost it. i find it back. u wanna gimme three extras?? juz give lah! F*** Y**!". but then i noe i'll regret it. dunno how i should react when i book in n he asks abt it. weekends are precious but if i juz book out and feel sad/ cry at home, then might as well stay in camp do 3 extra duties?

shit happens. i'm sad.
Blabbered bean @ 20:23 //

Saturday, February 19, 2005

saturday was a good day for me. i was happy. i wished it wouldn't end. i wish sunday nv would come. urgh. but now guard duty awaits. damn sentry duty!!! so many things abt today i wanna write but i'm afraid of blogging the wrong things again. so it shall remain in my mind. time to go to bed as promised..
Blabbered bean @ 23:40 //

Blabbered bean @ 14:31 //

woke up 9am. applied for admission into ntu. sort out the copies n copies of certs, testimonials, transcripts etc.. filled up the online application form for ntu admission application. running in and out of my room to the livingroom pc to print and finally got it all done around 1430h. what a comic i am.. i bought 10 local stamp stickers n after pasting one of them on the envelope, i sent the other 9 to the admission office. hahaa.. at least it was pretty much of a relief to settle the ntu application.

went to ica building at lavender to extend my passport. it's now officially extended till 31st January 2010. wow.. what a jump.. they usually extend oni six months.. then i took the mrt down to tampines mall. didn't manage to get enough time to go into the mall or any shopping centres there. i walked around the pasar malam was tempted to get some t-shirts.. but then on second thoughts didn't want them. haha.. got some snack-on-a-satay-stick to eat n took a bus down to TP le.

alighted one stop early. walked the whole of engineering sch to reach sch of applied science. we almost bump into one another while talking on the phone.. hee;) so funny. i noticed her be4 she did.. walked a distance to take a feeder bus back to tampines interchange. took 72 back home to amk. enjoyed the looooong trip. switched to 265. walked her to the lift. walked to ah ma place.

had home cooked noodles by ah ma. nice.. drank lotsa water. felt bloated. reached home to complete sending in online application for nus. 1st choice: computer engineering(sch of computing), 2nd choice: computing, 3rd choice: business admin. 4th n 5th choice left it blank. sealed the envelope n ready to send. but no stamps. y? coz i used them to bribe the ntu admission clerk le.. haha..

Prolly get it done tomolo morning. gotta wake up early to do that... hmmm... maybe i'll go jogging? will i? how i wish there's company. no moltivation to run alone lah.. betta force myself down right now.. yes right now 0117h to go post it.. okok.. i'm off.. may tomolo be a betta day.. tho i'll gladly accept a day juz as happy as today.. =) *someone keep saying i'm scuba diving deep underwater without an oxygen tank.. haha.. i'm like this. i want to be given oxygen. not bring it myself. haha..*
Blabbered bean @ 00:16 //

Friday, February 18, 2005


Manage to dig out an old photo of mine.. that's my god ma/ auntie elsie and me.. how i wish i am that cute now.. haha..
Blabbered bean @ 14:26 //

nowadays bean is bonkers.. don't care that side of him. when he is happy sometimes he do silly things.. juz let him be. if not go be bonkers with him.. haha..

today i woke up around 9am to settle my NTU application stuff. 1st choice: Communication Studies, 2nd choice: Computer Science, 3rd choice: Computer Engineering. paid the fee with Master Card. sent in the online application form. now left the hard copy of poly results.

hope i will be able to send by today. gonna get stamps later n oso get my passport extended at SIR building later today.. hmm.. now that i got the NTU one done with.. i'm looking to settle the NUS one too.. but they haven start recruiting lei.. i'm afraid i'll be rejected by both NTU n NUS. then i'll hv to try for MDIS or SIM. or even overseas..

although when i was realli much younger i liked the idea of studying overseas.. now a lot of heart strings are pulling me back. even before i met her. i hv my soccer pals, my sister, father, god ma n god pa. ah gong, ah ma lei? hmmm.. to study overseas for a few years will be pretty hard to maintain any sort of relationship with her too.. i juz dun wanna think abt it now. hopefully all will work out well..

in the midst of my last r'ship, i knew i will not wanna try for a foreign uni if possible coz i dun wanna leave her alone in singapore. though she used to say she was willing to wait. i think probably studying in SIM or MDIS is the alternative.. working first is also possible..

sometime what u write can unknowingly hurt the feelings of ppl reading them. especially when they are involved. a couple of years ago, when i was in poly i wrote something in my blog which sorta angered a classmate of mine. hmmm.. i was sorry. i realli didn't mean to. but the damage was done then. i wonder whether scars remained coz wedo still communicate on msn now n then. i hope my blog ain't that hurtful over the years.. as it's mainly used as a medium for me to record down some thoughts some daily events/happenings around me. it's not meant for propaganda. not meant to hint to ppl stuff etc..

in order for me to be truthful to my blog, i lied to myself that it's private. no one noes the address. thus i'm not comfortable explaining details in it, esp when it's private, with ppl be it face to face, msn or sms. u can read but perhaps if u sense that it's private then dun ask. haha.. no.. i'm not being angry or fierce here. i never is. dun misunderstand. my shy character makes me a pretty private person somehow so juz veri uneasy to explain n discuss private stuff.. i could oni do it with my realli close frens n loved one. so please pardon me... :)
Blabbered bean @ 12:47 //

Thursday, February 17, 2005

juz come back from chomp chomp.. turned out C and SL were pretty helpful la.. but behind the scene i noe they r like snigger here n snigger there abt some mistakes i make etc.. yeah expectedly i was pretty shy n didn't talk a lot.. she deleted all the pics of her in my hp.. hmmm... =( dunno y lei.. oso dun allow me to add them back. i noe if i put them back she oso won't noe.. but i dun wanna disobey her.. i wanna strive to be a good bf to her. (some sorta ambition har?!)

we went to coffeebean sit around and chitchat loh.. ordered 2 chocolate n 2 sunrise. all without cream. i guess they r pretty weight conscious. hmm.. good for me too.. C is like pretty ang moh loh.. the baby they were talking abt turned out to be veri ang moh looking too.. i didn't start any conversation but i like to be there.. juz beside sijie.. i would sneak peaks at her now n then.. n giggle at the small talk they say.. n i would absolutely listen to her.. no girl worth my head turning and risk angering her.. i juz long for her to show me that she cares more often.. i reckon she is shy in displaying these emotions.. not even in the virtual world has she display much of such displays.. sometimes i do fear that she dun realli love.. then small acts of care reaffirm the r'ship again..

i enjoyed the bus ride the most. coz i was juz beside her n we could talk. i love to talk to her.. coz it makes me feel so much closer to her. n i can see her personality shine thru on me.. hee ;) i dun mind her small-bullying me.. coz i love her n as long as she still care for me, bullying me a bit won't kill..
Blabbered bean @ 21:17 //

16 Feb 2005 juz became a date i ought to remember. nights off that night.(which was ytd nite lah..) i set about doing what i knew i must do if i didn't wanna disappoint. it was my first time buying flowers. i was pretty blur. i asked for lilies. after the lady picked 12 lilies out for me n tried to wrap them up with some newspapers for me, i asked her whether she could like make it into a bouquet. like decorate it nicer.. she intro me her ready made sunflower. due to shortage of time, i had to make do. i promise i'll get her another bouquet..

i felt realli uneasy holding the bouquet of flowers as i walked around. i don't know what ppl would be thinking about me.. i went home with it n managed to sneak in n out of the house without having it seen by dad. skillful eh? haha.. i changed into my red tshirt which i'm required to wear for the next day's CNY celebrations and rushed off to find her. she was going to pay the uni application fees.

*rushing off to chomp chomp to meet some ppl who wants to see me. God! inspection ah? hmmm... nvm, dun wanna be a cold towel n disappoint her.. i'll go.. haha.. hope they dun tekan me later.. kekeke.. incentive is can see her mah.. i miss her sooooo much.. haha :P continue this blog entry when i return..*

*continuing my story above*

i didn't noe the exact location of the atm she wanted to go to.. but i told her i'll find her. i grabbed the bouquet in my "ang gong gong" t shirt n went to look for her. wah.. paiseh loh.. very uneasy coz i realli veri inexperienced with flowers.. but then nothing wrong with trying to be a good bf mah.. not as if i buy the flowers to appease gf after i commit wrong. found her.. in spects. first time see her in spects.. it realli doesn't make much of a diff for me..

she was rushing for dinner at home n i merely walked her home n chit chat with her a lil' loh.. it was enjoyable juz chatting with her. guess this is what happens when u hv a liking for someone.. hmmmm...
Blabbered bean @ 16:53 //

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

nights off again.. hmm.. this time given for being the only signaller going outfield. hving to wake up around 0455h when the others can wake up at 0600h. veri stress working outfield with S2 the intelligence officer. he realli expects his signaller to be damn good loh.. what must it be me i used to wonder..

i guess i handle the job betta than the rest.. if eeping he die loh.. i noe eeping very happy he not in my shoes.. well, i've grown to look on the positive side n not think abt it as being the worst job in the battalion. i take pride in doing a good job in one of the most difficult jobs as a signaller in 1st battalion singapore guards unit. hee ;) *passer-by vomits n faints* haha!

i dislike being isolated by my platoon mates.. i'm not saint. i'm no god. i dun want eyes of envy to turn into green jealous eyes. i wanna be part of the platoon..
Blabbered bean @ 20:42 //

Monday, February 14, 2005

Juz back from camp. nights off. reward for Signal Platoon getting Recon 1 and being 2nd best in Singapore in ATEC Stage 1. Tested on assembling and dismantling of signal set without safety breach in limited time, voice procedure(which means some coded method of replying n talking on the net.), griddle code, Northings n Eastings and fault finding where they'll pose scenarios at you n ask u what u should do etc..

book in last night was early. pushed forward from the usual 2230h to 2100h. i underestimated the time(it's my first time sending n decorating a v day card. gimme a chance yeah?) i needed to decorate, draft what i wanna say and deliver the card to her place and was almost booking in. i had intended to post it straight into her mailbox. but i forgotten that the new kinda letterbox dun allow ppl to juz drop things into them. at that moment i panicked!! i was running late n i was even contemplating booking in with the card. but i knew it must be delivered. so i made my way up the stairs to her doorstep n i chose to place the envelope on top of a bicycle cover along the corridor outside her window. i text her abt it for fear tat it might be lost by the time she comes home. actually didn't wanna tell her too early one.. but no choice there..

fortunately it was still there when she reached home. i wonder whether she likes it. i noe my handwriting sux. she was being nice coz she still say "Still can read la..". i was pretty embarrassed there. i knew she found it ugly n unsightly too.. juz as i predicted. hmmm.. perhaps i was a lil' too rushed writing the letter. perhaps i drafted out so many times causing my handwriting to deteriote with time.. haiz.. i've always hated my own handwriting. that's y the computer that can print out words/text is so useful to me.

yesterday night i slept pretty late. around one plus. i was sort of communicating with her. she gave me a pleasant surprise by calling me up 7 minutes into v day.. in the rush i accidentally pressed the speaker phone option n she didn't get to hear me until i've figured out how to revert back to the ear piece.. we chatted a bit.. 3mins plus to be exact. longest le. it's the first time she's called me. it's the 4th time we talk on the phone. but we still sounded pretty raw. i realli long for the day where i could spend a day with her. then maybe we can talk better. me n her are pretty similar in terms of starting a conversation etc. we juz get sorta tongue tied on the phone.. we are both better with words, literally. that's y when we text one another, it goes veri smoothly. maybe we ain't comfortable with one another yet. nvm, i'm sure this can be improved on as the days goes by..

i realli want to take care of her for the rest of her life. i realli love her. i want her to be my valentine not juz for today but for many many years to come.. but i juz couldn't get it out of my mouth when i called her up just as she was "squatting down to charge her hp under the table". i know i'm an idiot. i'm realli sad if i did upset her coz i sounded insincere. haiz.. i'll prove it to her somehow that i'm sincere. that i mean it from the bottom of my heart.

right now.. i'm pretty low. hmmm.. i'm a lil' afraid. maybe i think too much. maybe i'm juz too paranoia. she didn't msg me since like 1330h loh. upon knowing she's "met the stupidest and dumbest person in the whole wide world. *sigh*", i was pretty down, disappointed and sad. not for the label but coz i've disappointed her n made her felt down enough to sigh.. *double sigh* maybe she's mad at me now for being so dumb. maybe that's y she didn't reply my msgs. maybe she was juz busy hving fun with her gals. urgh.. i'm probably thinking too much... i need reassurance aplenty i find.
Blabbered bean @ 19:28 //

Sunday, February 13, 2005

whoa! all's a rush again. so tis blog entry gonna be short. hope she likes it.. it kinda cost me some stomach groans and some rushed moments.. yeah. i overspent my time drafting n decorating it. i hair dried it even.. haha.. but overall i still find it pretty ugly. coz my handwriting sux.. hopefully it's the thought that counts? no? :'( i wish i could do it all over again coz i'm realli not confident of presenting it to her.. hmmm.. but no time i hv to go le.. see u next weekend.. tonite's book in timing veri early.. urgh..
Blabbered bean @ 20:19 //

Saturday, February 12, 2005


i would like a windmill somewhere in my house too when i do own one.. hopefully i'll remember that..
Blabbered bean @ 15:44 //

I bought this today.. i hv to admit there is a bit of influence coming from somewhere.. but i like their hits.. Jue Jiang, Ting Bu Dao & Rang Wo Zhao Gu Ni etc.. there's also a different version of Wen Rou.
Blabbered bean @ 15:42 //

Some Cute Ornaments in one of Uncle Hoo's toilets..
Blabbered bean @ 15:39 //

Veri nice n meaningful quote..
Blabbered bean @ 15:38 //

Uncle Cheng Hoo's place.. Nice.. see the pool juz outside the house?
Blabbered bean @ 15:38 //

i'm in trouble. hmmm.. i'm falling falling so hopelessly into love again. maybe it shouldn't be classify under love. more like a crush. more like a one-sided kinda thing. i feel i'm realli a silly guy when it comes to love. imagine me coming back from camp n lying on the bed after surfing some net n juz keep thinking n thinking abt a person. staring blankly at the handphone of mine(wallpaper frequently changing according to mood. sometimes it's her pic.. hee..) waiting aimlessly for an sms from her. to sorta get an acknowledgement that she too cared. but i too understand that gals can be shy abt showing such emotions sometimes..

the thoughts are juz like i wonder how she is doing, what she is doing, how is she feeling kinda "bo liao" stuff.. it's like i noe her routine for the day loh but still can't help but think of her. i always seem to plunge into love this way. why can't i be more bochup? hmmm... it juz isn't me.. *hope i this trait of mine ain't gonna put me on the back foot in any way..*

anyway, after we book out, i went to amk centre with OKH and FMK n had lunch at s11. the shops are open again. hmm.. saw a book i'm interested in. heard some comments abt the book from a polyclassmate n felt a lil' interested. dunno whether i'll hv the patience n time to read it thru.. it's like i can read. but when there's a pc in front of my with my msn frens "plooming" away, i can't concentrate on reading. frens are always above anything i'm reading. that's also y when i buy newpaper i can't really read it when i'm with my frens.. i can oni browse. coz i'll feel guilty for neglecting them.. thus the best time for me to read is either while travelling on the bus ALONE or on the toilet seat(kekeke!)..

update more when i come back from shopping n hanging out. alone of course. no one wanna accompany me also.. bored lei at home..
Blabbered bean @ 14:07 //

Friday, February 11, 2005

this is thursday's entry. i awoke initially around 9+ sms her then fell asleep again. then around 10+ in the morning,i got outta bed. made brunch for michelle and i.. oven baked some hashbrowns, a couple of sausages and warmed the can of baked beans.. i had coffee while she went for fruit juice.. michelle felt hungry and so she had 2 oven baked prata for lunch..

wanted to deposit the second part of my ang pow. basically walked from home to blk 600+ to find the deposit machine but it was faulty so walked to amk centre. michelle forgot to bring her bus card mah.. as long as i hv company to chat with, i dun mind any walk. now i need to brain wash myself that i ain't got that amount of ang pow in my bank.. wanna save..

reached home pretty late. around 1830h. was supposed to go uncle cheng hoo house around 1800h. joined ah ma n ah gong in getting a lift from uncle cheng peow. had spaghetti and pizza for dinner. whoo.. yummy! took many photos of his house. i love it. 3 storeys high with a basement. 2 private parking lots to boot. how i wish i could afford a house liddat in future.. hee ;)

reach home surfed the net a while. read a few blogs. msn a bit. sms some too. then took a cab to north point. on the way was actually thinking of what topic i could break the ice with. haha.. lame is it? haha.. i decided on the "how's the show?" line. kekeke.. trying desperately not to get too nervous while waiting at the bus stop. the time was juz going by so slowly loh.. haha.. i couldn't recognize.. dark la.. a bit night blind.. sorry hor.. realli paiseh..

2 person instead of one. hmmmph.. expected la.. "happy new year" why didn't i think of that as an opening line? we bade goodbye to xinling and boarded a cab. haha.. it was lovely.. everything. if this's a dream i wish i'll never wake up. surprising myself i find i managed to curb tongue-tieditis.(non-recognized word by cambridge used to describe the problem of hving a tongue all tied up.) we had a simple but short chit-chat. didn't get to see her to her door or even the lift. but i spied n watch her open the gate before i would walk home. safe n sound. i'm juz so curious as to what she n her fren's opinion n first impression of me. as for me, i didn't dare to look her in the eyes.. but looks didn't realli matter so much here.(it was dark in the cab anyway..) i like her for what she is. her personality, character etc.. so in my heart, she'll forever be so gorgeous.. hee;)
Blabbered bean @ 01:40 //

Thursday, February 10, 2005


That day i went for physiotherapy on my often sprained ankles? haha.. the green band is call a theraband. it's used to provide resistance to build up my ankle strength so it doesn't sprain so easily..
Blabbered bean @ 15:11 //

Ang Mo Family on CNY Eve when i went out with michelle.. hmm.. can see michelle's reflection in the window
Blabbered bean @ 15:09 //

CNY Me at aunt Elsie's Place
Blabbered bean @ 15:07 //

hee! =) i'm over the moon as i blog this! not gonna say it though.. diao all u guys wei kou.. whet ur appetite.. hee ;) wahahahaha.. well, a hint would be it's got something to do with the letter k. wahhahaha.. go figure it out.. hmmm... a boring day turned super sweet.. *grins & giggles*

it's been a pretty purse-bursting CNY.. hmmm.. *fyi, i dun own a purse. juz wanna use some rythming words.. haha* wanna deposit the money into my account. but the 2 dollar notes can't go in lah.. i hv doting relatives but since my mum left, my bond with them also became weak.. i became sorta loner. out of their ring somehow. i'd love to join them again.. i'll try hard. this my cny resolution? haha..

oh yeah. routine reporting of happenings for the day. morning went ah ma house for usual greetings. n collecting of ang pows.. then ah ma went out. i followed aunt elsie n uncle john(god parents) to their serangoon north home. nothing much there.. juz watch tv n chit chat a lil' loh.

visitors came. uncle john's 3 sisters came. got ang pow from them. i felt bad. it seemed to me that i went there to collect ang pow from these ppl. i didn't.. juz wanted to see uncle john mother ma.. my god granny.. hmmm... i hope they dun ever form that kind of impression of me, an unusual face to the visiting aunties n uncles, ever.. i realli hope not. i'd rather not get ang pow from them. but then i think they no choice la..

the kids(my cousins) ba zhan the pc playing maple story n the ps playing worms etc.. i got oni tv. as i sat downstairs at the livingroom, ppl come n i'm like supposed to be the first one to greet them. pretty awkward loh. not my house lei.. my uncle oso upstairs in the study room. aunt prolly in kitchen or wandering somewhere. they didn't lock the gates mah..

And so the witty melvyn decided to watch tv upstairs.. in the masterbed room. haha.. watch until sianz then go downstairs again. then since no one around i sat there watching tv again. i sit there oni got new visitors come.. awkward again.. arrggghhhh... hid upstairs playing mahjong on my handphone all da way after that..

joined the kids on and off in their games also la.. but didn't last long. as i described, pretty much waiting for nothing to happen. well, i did a lot of nothing today ya noe.. haha.. dragged into a gambling of poker cards(BlackJack) too.. lotsa rules nv heard of. like evens player wins, once banker gets 17 n above cannot draw card le etc etc.. max bet one dollar min bet one dollar. boring lei.. managed to win 5 bucks in the end. all thanks to a lil' lucky star in my mind. haha..

reached home around 12 midnight. msn till now. then set upon writing my blog. hmmm.. oh, counted my ang pow money le.. well.. 3 digit loh.. but more than my saf pay lah.. that's all i'll say.. maybe tomolo go to atm machine n deposit. hmmm.. feel safer that the money ain't with me. i can lose things pretty easily. kk tomolo then blog more.. time to surf some net. juz now all chit chat oni..
Blabbered bean @ 01:51 //

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Ooops... i did it again. i always fall asleep while watching tv programmes or movies on my bed. it's too comfy for me. heh.. =D i'm sorry to you for disappointing ya when ya came online but couldn't talk with ya.. well, happy chinese new year! (you so late still dun wanna sleep meh? so energetic sia.. heh..)

falling asleep when i shouldn't. be it waiting for fren to come online wait till i doze off or waiting for phone call or even waiting for a certain tv programme to start showing.. it always causes me regret. but many believes it's silly. maybe i am silly.

CNY le! my wish.. *close eyes & makes a wish* oh, am i entitled to making a wish on CNY? haha.. all gals wishes to be princesses. while guys dun realli wish to be a prince. hmmm... maybe all of them juz wanna be a frog and find the special someone to kiss them.. then they'll be transformed, fairy-tale like, into a charming prince. haha.. =D

time to rush my breakfast n go ah ma house for lunch.. kekeke...
Blabbered bean @ 09:39 //

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Yoz.. it's CNY eve. some of my ex classmates are working some ain't n my guys, as usual, ain't sharing my idea of going out together. so i'm alone again. was thinking of going out to shop alone. another option would be to wait for michelle to come back. but then the thought of being mistaken again as a couple ain't appealing. hmmm... *ponders*

i find that sometimes i tend to dwell on the net. juz being online. juz being there. hmmmm... when the someone ain't there keep wondering whether i should go out n where i should go etc.. when the someone is online, i'll be realli reluctant to go off.. yet sometime also nothing to chat about. maybe juz wanna be around in case the someone wanna msn me something. hmmm.. infatuation? crush? love? i noe it's not possible la... i noe i'm not good 'nuff... =( drats!

hmmm... being at home on CNY eve, you wouldn't think i'll be lonely right? but that's but the truth. my frens will all be tied up with their family n reunion dinners. my dad is away in m'sia. he took a trip back to kelantan to visit relatives with the auntie. michelle is in school. i'm home alone with a few net frens to chat with. my reunion dinner was held on sunday night. the oni time i'll prolly being pre-occupied with CNY stuff is tomolo morning 0900h. when everyone will gather 4 storeys down from my home at ah ma place. after lunch i'll be free le. but then nothing seemed to be coming up. never heard of meet ups etc.. shops oso not open.. hmmm... gotta think up something.. *squeezes brain like a sponge*
Blabbered bean @ 13:37 //

Sunday, February 06, 2005

haiz.. again. this is the 3rd time i kena seen in person by a net fren without me seeing them. damn. am i so prominent? maybe i should stick to the crowds (which i hate). maybe coz i tend to like to stand in spacious places? hmmm.. i dunno..

the story is that i went j8 with my sis. my fren working at 77th street mistoook my sis for my gf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Urgh!! maybe i should stop bringing her out with me to shop.. hmmmph... so embarrassing. =( *pouts* then to confound it, my net fren sms me say saw me with my sis n we do look a couple. $%^$#@!!!!! mood turn so bad i lost interest in shopping. poor michelle walk around with me aimlessly as i keep smsing my fren. felt cheated n lugi that i kena seen in person yet i nv see the person back loh.. esp. when it's her. hmmm.. i'd feel the same if i missed out seeing carrie in person too.. haha..

targetted a bag and a t-shirt. not priorities but if chiro can get discount for me i dun mind getting them. hmmm... paiseh to ask him juz now. maybe i can sms him later.. got 2 pairs of field soccer socks. one yellow n one blue. hopefully they'll allow me to continue my scoring streak.. i've been scoring in every game since i bought those new boots.. lucky boots.. ok, gotta start packing for camp else i might be later again.. hmm...

it's gonna be a super short week. monday afternoon i hv physiotherapy session at nee soon camp. then tuesday afternoon book out le. enjoy chinese new year. then book in on friday morning till sat morning. before book out again. dad has gone m'sia. whoo hoo... the house is mine again. yay! he'll be back on sunday i think. one week without him. heh.. too bad i'll only be home on a few days oni n not the whole week. ok, happy CNY folks.. hope u guys get lotsa ang pow! i got 3 digit amount le.. auntie n dad gave me ang pow le. good luck to all in heavy ang pow returns too!! =)
Blabbered bean @ 21:18 //

Juz back from soccer. yay! manage to score again. this time in a 2-0 victory. the ground was hard n the referee seemed unwilling to favour me on many occasions when i felt i was onside n yet he blew the whistle.

i love my goal. but jm managed to score his first ever goal for our team midway thru the 2nd half to break the dead lock. the move started off with a boot clearance by kp from the right back postition. he smacked it all the way to jm on the left wing, who under pressure from the defender, headed the ball into my path as i was running in from midfield. i ran all the way till i reached the penalty box n spotting a defender closing down on me, i checked inside, losing my marker for a moment. i picked my spot n curled my shot to the top corner of the net. whoo hoo! the goalie could only watch n hope my shot goes over the bar or hit something. i didn't hesitate though. right after i hit that shot, i knew it was going in as i had placed it outta reach for the goalie yet on target.. i was off celebrating..

the game ended 2-0. after sending zq home, me, jm n kp went to hv lunch. then we parted on our ways. i feel like learning car le.. i noe the directions. i love the convenience it brings. i would like a cosy lil' car. Maybe a Honda Jazz? but maybe it'll depend a lot on the price. hmm.. toyota vios is something i like too.. well,.. i say stop dreaming n start earning some bucks to learn car bahz.. wait wait.. let me dream on more.. =) hee..
Blabbered bean @ 13:05 //

i'm sad again. maybe it's true that i dun hv my own opinion. maybe i dun hv a strong character or personality. to some, i'm a weakling. deep down i dun agree.. i believe i'm juz trying to please everyone. it's only humane. some say it's going with the flow of things. instead of being strong headed and insist on having my way, i believe there is always a small percentage(be it 1% or even 0.000001%) chance that something might go wrong.. you can call it throw caution to the wind since it doesn't hurt to go the extra mile.

for example, in the case of facing someone who believes in solution a. thou i may not agree by it, i'll still listen to him. maybe he could hv a point. facing someone who believes in solution b which i too believed in, i don't wanna be complacent n neglect some minor points so i double check whether it's correct.

in this world, i too believe that a positive n a negative achieves a balance. if there r stubborn ppl around, there must be ppl who r more easy going n willing to give in to them. if there are foolish ignorant ppl, there will be some patient knowledgeable ppl to guide them from the wrong to the right. i may seem to be the foolish person, but i'm also willing to start learning from the patient knowledgeable person. if i happen to be the knowledgeable person i'll try to be patient n teach the correct ways to the foolish guy.

so please do not fault me for my unwillingness to stick by oneside. the palm is flesh, top of the hand is also flesh. this is veri me to try and please both sides.. there's always 2 sides to how u can see things. some call it easy going some call it no opinion. some say the cup of milk is half full some say half empty. who's to say? thus i believe in the view that keeps ya happy satisfied..
Blabbered bean @ 01:02 //

Saturday, February 05, 2005

i'm so bored at home. it seems that every saturday is liddat. my guys dun ask me out. i wonder how they can take so much pleasure from lazing at home all the time. dun they feel it's a waste of a precious weekend. esp for army guys.. even my guys dun ask me out so needless to say about any gals la..

for the umpteenth time i'm feeling i've got no best fren. coz i dun hv anyone i noe who has common interest as me to hang out together. when i've got a problem, i usually dun hv that someone that 'pops' into ur mind as the one u wanna confide in. so i either keep within myself or anyhow choose ppl to confide in.

my guys are pretty indoor. other than a soccer session, they'll prolly sleep or play ps2 at home. they like to rent/buy vcds serials etc to watch but i can't. the theatre remains one of the only place where i can sit still to complete watching a show. anime and comics remain outta my circle too..

now, even some of my online frens seemed so reluctant to chat with me. i hope i'm oni over imagining things. some of them gimme a feeling that i'm disturbing them. once bitten twice shy, i'll always hv the fear of incurring their wrath without knowing.

pretty low morale in camp le. then come out wanna enjoy myself more yet realized that i dun realli hv frens to be with. urgh.. i need to find something interesting to novel myself.. hmmm.. the John Little Sale oso dunno can ask who go along.. hmmm.. jm sure dun agree one. he dun shop one. kp will say it's damn far. dn prolly wanna save up coz he oeti then everyday book out expenses already quite high. so no one to shop with. oh damn.. now what? dun tell me i've gotta stay at home read magazines n play pc games? no... argh..
Blabbered bean @ 14:21 //

Friday, February 04, 2005

it's friday.. F..R..I..D..A..Y.. FRIDAY.. yes friday. haha. lucky to be able to book out. the ordeal i faced thru out the week was worthed it. a friday night at home the reward. monday seemed so far i can't remember much. got to noe that oni pass soc n maintain 1st yr ippt result then can book out on friday. so i need to pass soc n get a gold for ippt.

tuesday night went jogging with sbo w/o helmet n rifle. ran 5 km in all. the 1st 4km in 22 mins. personal training coz i wanna pass soc on thursday. wednesday ps organized running in the evening. reluctant and was given the go-ahead not to take part in the training as they are aiming at the weaker runners. but i went with them. coz i was bored n had a strangely deep sense of platoon integrity. felt hamstring n calf muscle strain. a bit regret.

thursday went for physiotherapy on ankle n evening time took soc. broke personal best record by 2 secs. managed 7 min 57 sec. first objective captured. friday still felt super tired from thursday's exerts. ippt at 1630h. results as followed. 40 situps 5 pts, 11 chinups 4 pts, SBJ 234cm 4 pts, shuttle-run 9.8sec 5 pts, 2.4km run 9min 39sec 5pts. result GOLD. 2nd objective captured. felt lucky but oso sad that most of my mates didn't get to book out despite putting in their max effort. well,... i'm already thinking of my 200 bucks for ippt gold. haha..

forgot what i wanted to blog about some thoughts le.. hmm.. will update when i recall them back. haha.. =P
Blabbered bean @ 23:18 //