Dreams.. :( what kinda dreams do you prefer? The good ones that you wake up feeling shortchanged or the scary ones you wake up feeling relieved but frightened at the remote possibility?
For me, the good kind really sucks.. I just had a wonderful sweet dream.. But having woken up,.. I'm in this shit all over again.. I feel so played.. Arrggghhhh.....
Posted with LifeCast
Labels: Dream, feelings, Life, love, Pain
Bean blubbered at [06:39]
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i dreamt.
it was a sweet dream.
it felt real.
the warmth, the happiness and the feeling..
it's what i've always wanted for a while.
i finally got it.
i enjoyed it.
and then i woke up.. =(Labels: Dream
Bean blubbered at [08:40]
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i made another realisation today.. hmmm.. well.. it might just be a possibility which there is no conclusive end to. but heck! it's my blog. i am allowed to blog ponderings and rubbish as i please..
being on a tight production schedule for the last couple of week, i've set alarm on my mobile phone to wake up early n deprive myself of sufficient sleep to finish my animation on time. it's the alarm tone i used for the past 3 yrs. the one which used to bring much joy whenever i wake up hearing it despite wishing to slp on..
now it's not the same anymore. i wake up press it away. n continue to nap on.. n often, during these short naps, i get dreams. and i wake up feeling sad. afraid. or depressed somehow. i noe what everyone will say if i tok to ppl abt this. no.. but i'm not gonna change my tone just yet..
stubborn? maybe.. it's a fine line between determination n stubbornness anyway. perhaps those who see it as foolish stubbornness dont see/feel the reason to the choice. that's all..
or maybe to most,.. determination is when it all works out. n stubbornness is when it doesnt? i personally do not think it should be determined by its outcome though.Labels: Dream, feelings, love, melbourne, school, Stress, whine
Bean blubbered at [16:05]
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Sunday, September 28, 2008
stupid bad dream. spoil the start of my day again. wake up feeling terrible and troubled. MUST be the STRESS....
dreamt abt hving an uber big argument with D in front of every relative. like abt to enter hotel of a relative wedding dinner type of occasion. embarrassment lead to ego, ego led to stubbornness, stubbornness lead to fire... BIG BIG FIRE..
ghost or monsters scare me not when i dream. but bad incidents affecting relationships affect me lots..Labels: Dream, feelings, melbourne, Stress
Bean blubbered at [12:36]
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Saturday, September 27, 2008
dreams reflect ones' state of mind.. i reckon it's true..
i got home from sch abt 7am, fed my hungry tummy and went to bed. one dream. one character in the dream. is all it took to give me a unwelcome depressing feel to my day ahead.
it's just surreal. pain, depressing and hurt floats and lingers around.. Time and stress are the only ones i should fight now. the rest have to wait. but my attention keeps getting shifted.Labels: Dream, love, melbourne, Pain, Stress, whine
Bean blubbered at [14:26]
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Friday, September 19, 2008
i dreamt..
I was 'chased' in an office environment by unknown people. All i remember is being pursued and i kept running in the dream. dodging copy machines turning corners while trying not to knock over piles of paperwork. i mugged ard the office area for a while until i finally found this 'exit'.
When i stepped 'out', i realised that it look more like a backyard or storeroom kinda place. my first thought was there would be no door to exit this building since this is only a storage area. then i look around and saw some people thru the fence ahead. so i decided to find out.
As i ran to the fence, i saw a door/gate. As I opened it and attempted to rush out, I bummed into my classmate. We picked ourselves up and I asked for the reason of her rush. She pointed thru the fence at some fiercesome looking hounds. She then explained that she need to retrieve something work-related inside. Seeing as she was badly 'grrrr-ed' at whenever she approached the 'enclosure', I decided to help out by entering the fenced up enclosure full of 'wild-looking' dogs to find the stuff she wants. Everyone of the dogs look capable of pouncing on me n pinning me down and bite a chunk out of me.
I walk through the knee height grass cautiously and slowly until i nearly reached the end of the 'enclosure'. Then i look ahead and found that the end of this enclosure doesn't seem to have a 'door' or a cupboard of some sort to store the items. i also just realised that i hadnt ask my classmate what items did i need to retrieve...
i fumbled around my jeans pockets for my mobile phone frantically, heaved a sigh of relief when i did feel it. then.. my phone rang.. i thought it was my classmate calling me to give me directions.. then i woke up.. my phone is ringing.. i picked it up and this is what i heard... =_=
"Come to school and DO WORK. Everyone is alredy here.."
Labels: Dream
Bean blubbered at [09:46]
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Friday, September 12, 2008
i dreamt of u again.. second time in two days.. and similar content. not anything bombastic. just me n you spending some quality time together peacefully, having a chat, having a luff.. i felt happy and contented in the dream.
i woke up with lingering feelings of contentment initially. but as i regain my consciousness and acknowledge it as a dream, the feeling slowly dissipate away..
i wished it was real.
"Life is like riding a bicycle, you keep moving to keep your balance."
Labels: Dream, feelings, love, melbourne
Bean blubbered at [12:24]
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A murderous dream.. hmmmm.. i dreamt that i was released from jail just in time to attend a very important event. think is to attend the wedding dinner of someone close. I was walking along a street down and the strangers that walked by seemed to know my past and that i had been in jail before.. scrutinizing eyes rained down on me and i felt very uncomfortable.
Trying to avoid any contact with all of them, i picked up my pace a little. just then i walked past this guy who was smashing beer bottles into the walls in front of me. i stopped n watch. if i walked on, i'd walk right into his smashing. seeing that his ploy to 'accidentally' hit me with a smashed bottle had failed, he was agitated, got angry and started chasing me with a dagger.
i ran.. and i ran and i ran.. the dream went on liddat for quite some time. Then finally i trip and fell. he pounced on me with a dagger pressing down on me. i blocked his arm and struggled to push away his hand.
after a struggle, i managed knock the knife out of his hand. i grabbed the knife and stabbed it straight into his heart.. 5 times.. till i was certain he was dead. i took the knife away for fear of being identified by finger prints and i ran away..Labels: Dream, melbourne
Bean blubbered at [07:49]
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*update: All pictures courtesy of Newcastle United FC Official WebsiteLate update here.. ytd i dreamt that i was fast marching in platoon level.. but i hv since gained so much weight since i first came to australia 3 years back that i was struggling to keep up.. panting away as i wrestle the urge to just collapse n fall asleep.. (wtf! i am aslp..)I was 'OBA' the moon.. when Obafemi Martins scored with a header from a corner by Danny Guthrie. Cool Coloccini played well and Given is god-sent! Thrilled by the GOOD performance by Jonas Gutierrez. (*Pui!* Who needs a MOULDY Modric that flops against boro?? *Double Pui !*) if not for arguably Fletcher's quick reply when Newcastle was down to ten man after Taylor went off injured. it might have been a famous 0-1 victory instead of the 1-1 final score..
Manchester United's attack without Tevez(hope he get over the family loss soon.. same with oba..) and Ronaldo(injury) is reduced to a couple of old men and a chubby 'Roo' bear! lol.. the players that came in ain't penetrative much.. Giggs is still great although he's can't last 90min anymore.. (awww.. i get ever so excited when my team plays well.. is this passion? or is it just me making up some shit? hmmmm... ponder mode switched on..)
In my 3 years in melbourne struggling against the odds to do well in my course, i learnt much.. about myself, seeing and appreciating friends, how to live life etc.. One of the things i managed to see for myself is the difference passion can make..Passion in my course is waking up looking at blogs of art, sketching whenever there is a pencil n paper, doing school work with undying endearvour.. whining abt hving to do school work instead of painting on photoshop.. i've met some ppl who are truly passionate abt doing art, about doing animation, abt sketching, abt doing video, special effects, 3D... unfortunately, i'm not.
hmmm.. what is ur passion?
*ps: the sms reply was a pleasant surprise.. =) *beams*Labels: Dream, feelings, melbourne, Newcastle, whine
Bean blubbered at [01:06]
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*update: i just remembered i had another shorter dream before that ominous dream.. it's a lot more vague now coz i have realli bad memory. especially when i am slpy and having another dream to complicate myself with further..
i called p on the phone. it was a friday in the dream too.. knowing that friday she dun hv to stay back in the office for training, i chatted with her for a bit and secretly feeling glad that we were able to converse and get to know each other's life a bit more. and then i jump from this dream to the chinatown alley dream..
i just had this dream where me, sam, and a group of frens/classmates (possibly lainey, wh and rf) were in this chinese looking alleyway. i was watching some programme on tv or movie. sam was on my left. half way thru the show, i was distracted from my show by some bickering between sam and some chinese ppl behind me.
i sandwiched myself in between the commotion pushing sam to one side, at the same time trying to calm him down and talk some sense into him.so Sam calmed down after a while. I walked back to the alley looking for the chinese ppl. i wanted to find out the situation and hear the story from both sides.
so i approach them and requested to talk to this young guy alone. while talking to him, i noticed that he is a very young man. prolly in his late teens. full of anger full of fiery spite. he seemed cold and i asked his group for a jacket or blanket for him before continuing the talk. after filling in on the story, i felt that clearly sam was in the wrong, at least partly wrong. so i told him that i will get sam back here to apologize.
sam had alredi calmed down quite a lot by the time i go back and it took little effort to get him to agree to apologize. As i led Sam back into the alley. the guy stood leaning against a wall. another bigger guy stepped in and held this chopper in his hand. i asked them what's the knife for? someone is the chinese group told me to get lost and that the guy had 'saved' me.
but i felt that i was the one who had brought sam back into this mess.. he wouldnt be here if i hadnt convinced him to apologize... therefore that bit of stubborness stuck.. and i tried to stop this bigger chinese dude from getting anywhere near sam. suddenly, i got struck in the stomach. then knife is there.. and the chinese group ran away.. sam rushed to me but my vision just continued to fade slowly to black...
and i woke up not knowing if i died in my dream.. hmmmm.... an ominous sign?Labels: Dream, feelings, melbourne, school
Bean blubbered at [16:03]
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Saturday, August 02, 2008
i dreamt i called u.. but u din pick up.. i remember vividly that i dialled this number.. 96533207. it's weird.. coz it's not ur number.. ( any 4d enthusiast?)
feel the void again, splitting headache & wish i hv u ard.. =(Labels: Dream, feelings, love, melbourne, Pain
Bean blubbered at [09:46]
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weird dream.. i found myself in sg. was in a old frens/classmates kinda gathering.. M(a girl) came up with tickets to sell.. it was ticket to some Beauty & The Beast thingy.. ( i assumed is a musical/concert). I told her I am interested coz the dates on the ticket stated 02.09.08 & 03.09.08.. and it would hv been a good idea for a birthday gift.
M was hard to communicate to.. she walked around socializing and trying to sell the tickets quickly. I was afraid that I couldnt get tickets before they were all sold out. but i did not wanna pay via credit card numbers etc.. so i need to discuss using an alternative way to pay for the tickets.. but M was frustratingly hard to get a chance to talk to.. she was like an eel slipping in and out thru crowds to talk to more ppl.
argh,.. i woke up.. feeling the void in the heart again.Labels: Dream, feelings, love, melbourne, Pain, Stress, whine
Bean blubbered at [10:34]
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i dreamt... had multiple dreams in consecutive naps..
In sniplets here and there..
first dream.. my laptop malfunction. someone turn it directly off from the power switch. i was angry. he says something back. the laptop transforms into a robot when the power switch is turned back on. whoa..
second one.. ppl in the dream. mic. pat. no bed. sleeping on pillow on floor. anger. strangle. love. missing dor. cry. tears. sorrow.
third one.. you. mic. me. bus. i chided mic. my ears pulled by you. mic chuckled in seat behind. love. bliss.
*update: another dream after another 2-3 hr nap..
amazing 4th dream!!! mum was home. she was playing her video game when i asked her to gimme a hair cut. she agreed. she took out a lousy looking foldable scissors and proceeded.. less than 5 mins into cutting, michelle said something abt the game and she ran over to play her video game.
i set on the chair like an idiot waiting. then she came back after 5 mins. cut a bit and was interrupted again by a door bell or something.. n i was so pekcek in the dream that i decided to cut myself by facing a mirror.. even more pekcek when i felt i cut until look like shit.. hai.. n then i woke up..
damn... dreams make me feel funny. the better it is in the dream, the more 'awwww' and heartbreaking to recover from knowing it's but a dream. the more 'nightmarish' and terrible dream it is,... the more relieved it is to know it's all a dream.. phew..Labels: Dream, feelings, love, melbourne, Pain
Bean blubbered at [09:37]
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i dreamt again. =|
i think i'm looking forward to a possible good holiday at the end of the year so much that i wish i can graduate tmr.. of coz, to me.. no holiday can be good without good company..Labels: Dream, feelings
Bean blubbered at [12:35]
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i dreamt that a female colleague was spreading bad things about me.. i confront her and she said it out in front of everyone.. and i was embarrassed and hurt. i quit the job on the spot. hmmm... )=Labels: Dream
Bean blubbered at [11:23]
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my longest dream ever.. Bizarre one again.. but so flowing..
this is oni 2 thirds..
Dream of 9th April 2008
me and tj hanging out outside vistoria state library.
i was holding a bunch of vcds/dvds.
chitchatting after school.
seems to be waiting for some guys.
while chatting with tj, i accidentally drop some cds.
police woman accuse me of littering
threathens to report me
i state my reasoning that i had just dropped n alredi picked it up
but she was more aggravated and got angry.
she proceed to write in her book.
she ask a bunch of police officer to give chase.
me and tj got caught.
knocked unconcious.
brought to a police station.
woke up at the station.
the policewoman is not around.
bunch of police guys luffing and chitchatting.
one of them is a fren(chenghan).
he's a policeman.
ask him to help me.
he got the rest of the policeman to help me.
they hid us somewhere.
then when the policewoman come back,
they told her that we had alredi been processed.
she scolded them for processing me without her ard.
policewoman kinda forgives them
says she is going out to get a cuppa tea.
chenghan got me n tj out of the closet/place where we hiding
told us to quickly go away.
exploring the place a little.
was wondering how to get out of the place.
tj got spotted by the policewoman again.
she got another bunch of police guys to chase us.
we ran as hard as we could..
tj got caught.
i kept running.
ran into a chamber/coridor leading to other rooms.
it was quite busy, ppl were walking ard..
then suddenly an alarm went off.
everyone obediently squat down at both sides of the corridor.
the guy squatting next to me told me to keep quiet n squat there.
that alarm ring means it's terrorist attack.
i tot that it must be the policewoman's ploy
to stop everyone in there to catch me easily.
knowing that i will most likely get caught if i stayed,
i stood up and carry on walking forward.
there i met this guy wearing a mask and holding some sort of a gun.
i tot he was there to capture me.
so i was defiant when he told me to go back there n squat down.
a bunch of abt 10 guys(chosen by him be4 i came into the picture)
were ushered to enter a corridor.
i tot that instead of getting caught or going back there to squat,
i would run into the corridor with the 10 guys.
they must be chosen to be set free.
so, defiant to the guy in mask's order,
i ran into the corridor with the airtight door shut closed behind me.
he din shoot at me..
so i think he is afterall a police officer trying to catch me alive/without resorting to firearms violence.
then as i was inside the corridor,
i suddenly remembered that he was wearing some sort of a mask thing.
and the guy in charge of leading this group was oso wearing a mask.
it was then i realised that they ARE terrorists.
and this ten chosen ones must be sent to die..
as a sign to send shock waves thruout the nation.
omg! what hv i done. i think i have unexpectedly chosen to die with the 10 unlucky ones..
no wonder he din shoot at me..
i ran as hard as i could.. running n opening doors..
trying so hard to find another alternative exit.
windows/bathroom windows.. anything...
after many mindless running and opening of doors,
i finally escaped...
crawling thru a tunnel..
seeing the light..
but it's not safe yet..
Labels: Dream
Bean blubbered at [21:30]
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Tuesday, October 09, 2007
dream.. no.. a nightmare..
i was being chased down. professional killers wanna kill me. not sure y.. somehow managed to fight off one of them n was on the run. then met my gf.. worried for her safety too so i brought her along to run.
in our aimless running away on foot, we ran into suspicious ppl whom i knew before from different phases in my life. the first one we bump into was a higher rank guy i met in army.(no specific person) but i knew that person was higher rank coz in the dream i called him by rank and i seem to be on a reprieve from army. kinda like a holiday or something. and hv to go back to army soon. so he adviced me to shave/trim my arm pits and hair before i re-enter army.(strange hor?) i was either topless or in a singlet i guess and he could see my armpit hair..
we left on our ways soon after and me n my gf ran somemore. not totally convinced that the guy we just met might not turn around and try to kill us. so we kept looking over our shoulders as we made our way away from him. it got to the point where we're both tired..
i had just remarked that i feel so helpless and tired and how i wished i had a car to drive to a safe place, instead of running around on foot, when we bump into a couple of our secondary school friends. they were very baised towards mandarin and i had to speak to them in mandarin. trying not to reveal that we were on the run, we made small talk about secondary school life.
i was a transfer student and was quite famous in school due to my school results. ppl knew me though i knew little about them. and they were happy to give us a ride in their expensive BMW. we took the back seats and the two of them sat in front. they told us they're just knocking off after a long day work etc.. and somewhere in between i asked to borrow their car and somehow they agreed to lending us the car after they drove home.
maybe we were both terrified to be on the run. but they realli spooked the hell out of us. they're working for another ex-schoolmate of ours now. and somehow they behaved strangely. they talked about a body/cell/genetic/biological donation they made to an "organization". which i reckon is the evil mastermind who wants to kill me us. and told us that they did it for the research and development of a certain G- technology and kept trying to tell us how noble and important this research is to them.
it was then i realised they had bad skin, and in common, a weirdly shaped nose. they asked whether it was ok for them to smoke and being in need of a favour, i said sure.. afterall, it's their car.. the car was stationary now and both of them simultaneously took out a weirdish looking smoke pipe. they lit it carefully and instead of putting the pipe into the mouth to smoke it, they put it to an odd side hole in their nose.
it was now dark. and we had stopped at some deserted place.(think australia ulu places and not sg bright streets.) there weren't much light coming from the outside as the skies turned quickly from darkish blue to black as they bring the pipe to their noses. from behind, we saw the weird opening in their noses and the pipe contained some kinda chemical/drug tat glows.
it was then we saw that their nose was kinda hollow. coz we could see the inside light produced by the glowing drug thru their noses which must be only a relatively thin layer. we freaked out and.......
i woke up. heart beating faster than usual..Labels: Dream
Bean blubbered at [20:27]
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