i was about to dwell into my game for another few hours when i thought for a moment.. hey.. today's my last night here at swanston unilodge. probably last night of internet for a few days at least.. coz my phone line at my new place ain't fixed yet.. so i hv to wait... hmmm... plain lazy nowadays.. just wake up, eat, watch a bit of tv then play game, on the internet then sleep.. it's the winter lah i tell ya.. ppl r supposed to hibernate mah.. the daylight is completely gone at around 6pm.. well.. and then u r coaxed into staying indoors once it turns dark coz most shops r closed anyway.. n the winds r chilly..
snapped some pix of my new and also my leaving apartment.. but maybe i'll blog them up when i am at my new place together with my newly arranged room photos.. till then.. maybe just a couple of days lah.. hehe.. no one reads my blog often anyway i guess.. hiak.. ok,.. the polar bear needs to go hibernate now..
heart flew to hk and back to sg again..
Bean blubbered at [18:42]
argh.. i dun realli miss life back in singapore.. but seeing my fren return home to sg makes me feel left out somehow.. so.... dav's happily back in s'pore taking revenge on food lor... while i am stuck at home coz i dun wanna incur more expense from eatting out.. at least not until i get a job.. it's kinda difficult to get a job u like that dun mind that u can only work 1 or 2 days a week and located in the city lor.. i still see those wanted signs on the places i threw resume to.. obviously they dun want some asian guy who can oni afford to work 1 or 2 days a week..
alrite.. back to the food and some stuff i miss back in singapore..
- chong pang nasi lemak (actually just the chilli..hiak..)
- mushroom prata (casuarina road)
- char siew rice (blk 107)
- chicken shreds congee (amk ave 10)
- wan tan mee (old airport road)
- fishball noodles (big big fishballs!!)
- playing soccer with jm, kp & dn.
- playing games on ps2 with the guys..
- watching soccer and staying up all night with the guys..
- go shopping for an entire day ending around 10pm.. (shops here closes so early..)
- be able to spend much much more time with P.
- earning my own keep and spending with more freedom & less guilt. haiz..
but then.. in sg i'll sweat like hell.. and here i dun even ned to on aircon.. walk ard whole day oso no sweat..
argh.. u win some u lose some..
Bean blubbered at [14:21]
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and so... the story continues with the busy bean watching soccer every night till 7am aussie time.. chatting down to an all time low as often msn status is appear offline or brb when i'm busy gunning down some mafia gang in GTA, sliding into the shins of some french player in winning11 or managing a barcelona team filled with the likes of ronaldinho, cristiano ronaldo, rooney, messi, drogba, gudjohnsen, etoo, deco, xavi, chivu, heinze, puyol, gattuso, mark gonzalez, reyes, yakubu and an outstanding goalie who've scored 8 penalties this season already.. missing some on the way oso la.. haha..
heart in jakarta now.. heh..
Bean blubbered at [03:40]
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These few days i've been slowly packing my stuff and bringing them over to my new place.. so far i went back 2 times.. the big luggage is over liao.. wah so heavy loh.. 4th level without lift lei.. climb until i wanna die with the heavy luggages.. to make things worse, it still have to drizzle as i dragged the clumsy luggage ard..
the new place is about 10 mins walk away loh.. and the tram tracks makes it harder to drag the luggage when crossing the roads.. it's cheaper overall than unilodge swanston but further away from the city malls.. it's abt the same distance away from my school though.. which is good and priority..
best news of all is my roomie is back to pollute singapore.. haha.. i am living alone in this apartment now.. which is so good.. n i'm starting to gonna miss the sofa of this place.. so comfy n soft as compared to foldable chairs from ikea at my new place.. hmm.. n the new place look kinda lock kok loh.. hmmm.. but cheaper by a hundred lah.. so better zip up.. the good thing is there should be brighter lighting at my new place.. not like this cave like place i am stay at now..
alrite.. enuff.. gotta go back to my addiction of the game that makes me giddy again.. kinda stuck in GTA now..
Bean blubbered at [17:26]
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i just realized there is a lot of jerks out there.. hmmm.. ok.. here's the scenario.. A & B are good frens. gal frens. then B is attached. but B wants A to help her check out C who is a guy interesting/interested in B. A goes with B and another girl to meet C. after the meet-up, on the way home B received an sms from C asking for A's contact. OMG.. ain't C interested in B? how can he ask B for A's contact?
hmmm... apparently girls being attached is not a deterent to guys nowadays anymore....
Bean blubbered at [11:06]
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ahh.. it's been the holidays.. but i haven updated much.. u can blame it on the world cup that i am having a topsy turvy life now.. world cup soccer starts at around 11pm at night n stops starts all the way till 7am in the morning.. then i'll probably sleep all the way till around 1pm in the afternoon before dilly dallying a little online and, hey!, it's dinner where they show highlights and then 11pm ain't that far away u noe? kekeke.. so there u go.. world cup season means melvyn goes into nocturnal level 10 mode!
i'm about to move to a bigger place soon.. it's an apartment with 4 rooms which i'll be continuing sharing with my roomie and now additionally his classmate. one of the rooms is unoccupied and locked. it costs us a lower rent and water and electricity is included in the rent and it offers better lighting.. last day here @ unilodge swanston is the 30th..
i guess i'll start packing after my roomie went back to singapore for the holidays.. we've paid the rent for the new place already but no internet connection over there as yet thus the reason for me staying in this dark cave..
hmmm.. i kinda miss the buddies i hv in singapore.. the soccer we enjoy together.. michelle and all the shopping we do together while bitching in transit, and the family outings etc.. but one thing i won't be missing much is the heat back there.. haha.. now's winter but sometimes when i go out, i am oni dressed in tshirt n a long-sleeved pullover.. and the cool as i walk around is realli great. it's like shopping in takashimaya aircon everywhere i walk..
maybe the cooling feeling is why they hv the lanes and alleyways for ppl to shop while we rely so much on shopping complexes.. can u imagine shopping in the immense heat in the afternoon if there ain't air con and shelter provided by the shopping centre? omg.. and yes i do oni wear shorts n jersey for soccer. it was kinda cold initially but now's great.. i think i'll die playing soccer in s'pore heat next time..
Bean blubbered at [21:21]
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In the midst of a boring tedious essay, i got into a msn convy with a classmate which just cracked me up.. hahaha... here u r..
lainey says:
hey whts the proper name of the movie..rescue sargen something?
bean says:
huh??!!
bean says:
nv heard before
lainey says:
there the war movie we watch..
bean says:
huh?
bean says:
saving private ryan?
lainey says:
ooh yeah than you
bean says:
hahaha
bean says:
since when private ryan promoted to sergeant
bean says:
kekekeke
lainey says:
ahaha dunno mar
Bean blubbered at [23:48]
Cut my hair today.. snip snip.. free of charge.. elaine's mum cut for me.. she's a certified hairdresser.. hiak.. but travelling fee is 10 bucks.. omg.. still cheaper than normal bahz.. she say cut one side higher than the other.. n i hv a back i nv had be4.. hmmm...
argh.. maybe the snips why i am feeling extra cold after bathing today.. no logic loh!!
Bean blubbered at [18:27]
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you noe when u feel so fortunate in love, u just feel u dun need anything else.. nothing material whatsoever.. i was just doing some updating on my blog template in the who me and bean wishin sections and i realized i dun hv any material needs.. all i want is her.. time with her.. and an assured future.. that's all a simple guy like me realli want..
Bean blubbered at [01:49]
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Maybe i should be more skeptical of ppl in this world.. i guess perhaps i haven't seen enough shady ppl in my life.. hmmm.. a guy actually called my gal on the hotel phone to go over to his room for supper together.. damn him.. such audacity.. creeps.. oh no.. why is my dear a magnet for creeps? how grateful i am to hv such an honest n faithful gal.. thank god..
Bean blubbered at [21:59]
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it's an equated world. just like in chemistry, they say no new substances are formed in a reaction. it's all the same things actually.. oni in different forms..
u feel lonely when u see ur drunk fren sent safely home by her bf while u hv to go back by urself, i feel unable to provide a basic thing which i wish i could.
u feel sad at not being able to help ur loved one feel better when they feel lousy over something, while i feel bad abt not responding to ur cheering up the way i wish.
u fear losing someone to the extend of comparing n believing in bad omens, i feel that something might be missing in the feeling i give u resulting in ur lack of confidence.
why don't we quit thinking too much and just realli enjoy ourself instead of wasting that time away..?
thru hardships, we'd hv learnt to cherish.. more so than others who always hv it their way..
Bean blubbered at [02:22]
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last night i felt first a sorry then a soury taste within me. no.. it's not that i've staled, gone bad n started to rot. i reckon it's just two of my many brain vs heart battles.
the sorry battle was won by the brain initially.. being unable to give something i wish i could and would quite easily have managed if i wasn't in australia, my brain reckons i shouldn't be so selfish and dun wanna be a bad person. i said those words with reluctance and very much forcibly. brain & its logic managed to make the mouth utter those irresponsible words out. my heart was badly torn up as i reluctantly said it.. very fortunately, they were rejected right back at me. yes.. i shouldn't have said them. love is selfish. and i hv to be too.. if there was one reason for me to be selfish, that would be love.
the second battle which left a sour taste which is a gazillion times worse than the taste of my toopid-classmate-added-lotsa-vinegar-in-my-nando's fries. it was sorta uncontrollable. as i was told a short scene of a long story, i felt realli sour within. my brain says "nothing is ongoing.. i hv the trust." yet my heart was just so plain selfish. i noe all the facts.. it's like... i noe they dun stand a chance of finding a way thru the maze and i'm sure the maze will close more doors if they still did enter the maze. but i was so plain selfish that i didn't even like the idea of them walking in and knowing the name of the maze. i think i'm just so silly for being jealous coz some crappy guys approached her and ask for her name at MOS. argh.. i hate those silly maze ppl.. why don't they just find a straight road?! hmmmf!
i learnt something last night.. hmmm.. i felt the brutalness in the tearing of my heart.. that was a painfully episode i nv wanna recall again..
Bean blubbered at [12:06]
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Whoo Hoooooo..... it's the long awaited holidays!!!!!!!!! in 3 years time i'll probably not be able to enjoy such a prolonged holiday ever again. (unless i couldn't find a job and end up hiding home circling papers all day..) that is the cruel fact of jumping from the studying life to the working life.. thus i recommend living each day as if it's ur last.. living ur life to ur maximum..
have anyone of you been so smittened by a person that when asked why u love him/her, u just can't answer? that always seem to happen with me.. is that normal? i remember very clearly in my first year in polytechnic when me and my first got together, a bunch of 3 girls asked me in a 3 on 1 sitting why i like her. i was damn dumbfounded man.. 3-on-1 lei.. i tot.. perhaps i've always been unable to focus myself and list out the attributes that realli attracted me to her..
i feel sometimes it's a feeling encompassed by many little things she do for u, her virtues wrapped within which made the feeling deep and special. thus, it is difficult for me to pinpoint to one or a few virtues.. or maybe coz the 3 or 4 virtues are all shining equally brightly that none is outstanding among them. i am so tongue-tied, speechless when it mattered. argh.
Bean blubbered at [11:38]
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sorry for a lack of updates.. has been busy the past week or so with my imaging major assignment.. loads of research to do, heaps of documentation to type out, then photoshopping the images, converting them to the right format to print at the print shop, print and QC then bring back touched up copy to reprint.. then late night soccer with the world cup.
been sleeping at around 7am everyday since world cup started.. haven missed any games as yet although i did fall asleep during the portugal game in the second half.. usually i would hv planned to wake up in the afternoon but had meet up with some classmates to print the stuff early so ended up oni sleeping very meagre amount of time(something like 2-3 hours) everyday..
but it is all ending soon.. it's tuesday already.. my last day of class.. almost.. coz ytd was the queen's birthday, thus i hv one more replacement lecture on next monday.. a 2 hr lecture from 5pm to 7pm when i hv to submit my last essay of the semester barring that he dun give a holiday essay as rumoured..
very roughed messy-thought entry this is.. ahhh.. i talk like yoda too sometimes.. kekeke.. =)
Bean blubbered at [01:58]
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no time for any other thing other than assignments, eat and abt below 4 hrs of sleep per day.. but i managed to put in time for this.. i dunno what it means i was just procrastinating over plunging straight into another sleepless shitty night of work again after a long long night ytd.. well... back to work..
world cup's coming.. holidays await me.. i just need a final burst for this last few days.. =P
Bean blubbered at [17:40]
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How many times have u heard this story? A guy shatters his heart out every night thinking n thinking after his first crush on a girl ended with "it is impossible. i'm sorry to hv led you on. we're better off as just friends." they go about their lives for the next 5 years or so, then a magical day together have them believe in the impossible. stupid love story rite? impossible in real life? well... that's what i thought.
i remember it fondly in my heart as the days when pagers reign.. it was hip, fun and cool to hv a pager with a song as the greeting. i remember it well. as much as i often claim i hv a bad memory, somehow i could remember this as if it was ytd. the song playing on the greeting when i paged for the final time was Hua Ti(Conversation Topic) by Zhou Hui. The lyrics "Ai bu ai jie guo dou jiao ren shang xin, wo bu zhi dao gai zhen me zhuo jue ding..."[translated directly: to love or not to have the same consequences of being sad, i dunno how to make a decision] totally totally personified my feelings then.. to hear it on my winamp recently welled up my eyes again as memories flood into my brain..
After some time, i managed to put it behind me. everyone has sad first crush experiences i was told. i went thru 3 years of poly, 2 and a half years of army and a couple of relationships.. then i made up my mind that to go overseas to further my studies was a good idea. to put down everything i have in singapore, to forget every sad memory i own, experience the 4 seasons of nature as well as life as an international student, hv no one but urself to really count on and get a degree in the process.. moreover, i wasn't tied down by any heart strings..
ppl were talking abt getting an ang moh gf. but hell NO! i felt it was impossible and i didn't bear any thought of it. had i been attached, i wouldn't hv wanna come aussie to study. i made that mental note when i was in poly with my ex.
Then just when u let your guard down, doing your own thing. it happened. she came online. she initiated the msn chat.(i dun realli initiate much msn chats now.. coz they bug me abt life here.. which i dun wanna keep repeating myself) she told me she was coming to melbourne soon. her schedule roster just came out. asked me if i need anything. being the shy, dun-wanna-trouble-ppl-prefer-to-depend-on-ownself and dunno-how-to-hold-a-decent-conversation-with-girls me, i said no need lah.. i went abt my normal life again. forgetting abt the offer.. then a couple of weeks down the road, she asked me again.. i wanted an external hdd badly then coz my laptop is running outta space. decided to accept her generous offer. felt realli bad to trouble.
the night before she flew, i was seriously thinking of how useful that external hdd would be to me. to be able to bring huge files to n from school. then it hit me.. oh shit.. someone went out of her way to help me, how can i repay that? oh no.. i dunno much abt good food or anything liddat in melbourne wor.. i haven realli explored the restaurants and being a lazy eater, i wasn't fussy abt the quality of the food. just fussy abt the amt of effort i need to put in to hv a decent meal. thus i avoid shelly stuff as i think it is a waste of effort to harness that little substance out of the big shell.
i didn't plan anything at all.. just to insist on giving her a treat whichever restaurant we might be eating at. no feelings of anything at all. just nervous abt being a poor host to melbourne. i certainly didn't expect the kinda impact or feeling i got after i left her hotel that drizzling evening as i walked home. i had turned down the offer of staying over. perhaps it's not such a good idea. besides i hv assignments at home. i regretted it the moment i reached home.
i felt a void. and also a feeling i haven experience for quite some time. it must be coz i haven chatted with someone that carefreely and at ease for a long time i thought. i went on skype, gave jm a call.. i wanted to test it by chatting with someone whom i could let my hair down with and see whether it'll ease the void i felt. though we were chatting, the void ceased to elude me. i just had to sms her. a chain of sms carried on.. i was happy.. why? i dunno.. i dun think it was love yet. perhaps if love was a plant, what i felt was the abandoned lost seed. will it grow or not? it is a qn none can answer. we kinda just let nature take its place.
i went school after that wkend. kinda thought that feeling is over. but we did exchange a few text msgs. then after night lecture, i went home. she was online. and again she msged me.. we chatted on msn. after a couple of weeks msning and smsing, we came to the conclusion that both of us had similar feelings. chatting our hearts out the entire day, we felt realli at ease with each other. both of us were hesitant whether it was a consensual feeling and finally we got to the topic.
it was mutual. we felt comfortable at the other's care and concern yet are hesitant about a long distance relationship. in fact, if u asked either of us be4 this happened, we would probably laughed at that thought. no way.. we'll say.. but now.. fate has an ironic way of twisting our lives around..
i'm in love..
Bean blubbered at [19:41]
regarding my last entry, i would like to say that i am a person who is very soft hearted. sometimes the second u say something u feel u shouldn't, u regret the next moment. and that is what i felt. for all i have been complaining about my roomie, i still do feel touched by little signs of "finally,.. he's going to be good to me..", but of coz my roomie just goes on and smash that thought up few hours down the road with more irresponsible, lazy behaviour.
call me soft-hearted, naive, or hesitant even.. i think it's just a battle between the good in me and the impatience in me.. :/
Bean blubbered at [17:57]
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ANGRY. ANGRY. ANGRY. ANGRY. MAD. INFURIATING. ON FIRE.
it seems that distance don't affect the chances of quarreling with my dad. we just cannot talk. inevitably it will end in a quarrel. the way he speak can piss me off already. i hate to internet chat with him. he is full of "huh" which totally pisses me off.. making me have to repeat myself countless times and talk louder.
internet chat with others dun seem to pose the same problem. they dun mind typing while he forces me to tok to him. sometimes i just dun like to open my mouth n talk. and reluctantly have to talk, i still have to repeat countless times due to his huh.. shit man..
my relationship with my father is bad.. when i am in sg, i will walk into my room straight from the gate. shut my door. n camp in there until i need to use the loo or the kitchen. i dun watch much tv but if i do, i do it in my room. it's not that i am unfilial or what. since we can't communicate, perhaps less talking will decrease the number of times we quarrel.
now that i am here in melbourne, his lack of computer knowledge, overflowing of 'huh's and close to zero interesting to talk about with me makes the web cam chats real shitty.. here i am buried in assignments and my patience just runs out on him yet again!
michelle! all ur fault! ur forgetfulness have caused a quarrel.. damn angry la.. he nags at all the wrong times and all the wrong things. i hate to be maligned and he just has to put the blame on me coz michelle is studying hard for exam, forgets to something and he cant blame her. damn. here i am in the midst of all these books, essays, projects and u blame it on me.. shit u..
and u have to ask all the boring shit questions that i dun like to answer. and gets ur computer into a full load of trojan horse problems then expect me to solve from here in australia. and u cant even describe to me when it appears what it looks like and where it appears at. shit. shit shit.
one advice. visit less shady websites and u wont run into these problem. dammit..
Bean blubbered at [21:41]
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