last night i felt first a sorry then a soury taste within me. no.. it's not that i've staled, gone bad n started to rot. i reckon it's just two of my many brain vs heart battles.
the sorry battle was won by the brain initially.. being unable to give something i wish i could and would quite easily have managed if i wasn't in australia, my brain reckons i shouldn't be so selfish and dun wanna be a bad person. i said those words with reluctance and very much forcibly. brain & its logic managed to make the mouth utter those irresponsible words out. my heart was badly torn up as i reluctantly said it.. very fortunately, they were rejected right back at me. yes.. i shouldn't have said them. love is selfish. and i hv to be too.. if there was one reason for me to be selfish, that would be love.
the second battle which left a sour taste which is a gazillion times worse than the taste of my toopid-classmate-added-lotsa-vinegar-in-my-nando's fries. it was sorta uncontrollable. as i was told a short scene of a long story, i felt realli sour within. my brain says "nothing is ongoing.. i hv the trust." yet my heart was just so plain selfish. i noe all the facts.. it's like... i noe they dun stand a chance of finding a way thru the maze and i'm sure the maze will close more doors if they still did enter the maze. but i was so plain selfish that i didn't even like the idea of them walking in and knowing the name of the maze. i think i'm just so silly for being jealous coz some crappy guys approached her and ask for her name at MOS. argh.. i hate those silly maze ppl.. why don't they just find a straight road?! hmmmf!
i learnt something last night.. hmmm.. i felt the brutalness in the tearing of my heart.. that was a painfully episode i nv wanna recall again..
Bean blubbered at [12:06]
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
last night i felt first a sorry then a soury taste within me. no.. it's not that i've staled, gone bad n started to rot. i reckon it's just two of my many brain vs heart battles.
the sorry battle was won by the brain initially.. being unable to give something i wish i could and would quite easily have managed if i wasn't in australia, my brain reckons i shouldn't be so selfish and dun wanna be a bad person. i said those words with reluctance and very much forcibly. brain & its logic managed to make the mouth utter those irresponsible words out. my heart was badly torn up as i reluctantly said it.. very fortunately, they were rejected right back at me. yes.. i shouldn't have said them. love is selfish. and i hv to be too.. if there was one reason for me to be selfish, that would be love.
the second battle which left a sour taste which is a gazillion times worse than the taste of my toopid-classmate-added-lotsa-vinegar-in-my-nando's fries. it was sorta uncontrollable. as i was told a short scene of a long story, i felt realli sour within. my brain says "nothing is ongoing.. i hv the trust." yet my heart was just so plain selfish. i noe all the facts.. it's like... i noe they dun stand a chance of finding a way thru the maze and i'm sure the maze will close more doors if they still did enter the maze. but i was so plain selfish that i didn't even like the idea of them walking in and knowing the name of the maze. i think i'm just so silly for being jealous coz some crappy guys approached her and ask for her name at MOS. argh.. i hate those silly maze ppl.. why don't they just find a straight road?! hmmmf!
i learnt something last night.. hmmm.. i felt the brutalness in the tearing of my heart.. that was a painfully episode i nv wanna recall again..
Blabbered
bean
@
12:06
//
