This morning was sad. i cried. haiz. i suddenly remember a web page n i read its contents again n again. n i cried n cried. haiz.. sometimes i dunno what i want. when i feel sad, n i noe someone wants to console me, i'll try to put on a brave front n let them be satisfied. but i am not ok yet. i dunno y... sometime i sad no one console me. haiz. maybe my demand for attention/care is too much.. haiz.
there's only one person in the entire world that noes me veri veri well.. becoz i seldom divulge the inner inner most feelings to any other ppl. maybe i let her noe me too well.. maybe i seek to be too relaxed in front of the person. it's not the first time i've trusted someone only to either on purpose or accidentally hurt by them.
sometimes i wonder why others can put up such a brave front. n i can't. when i'm sad, i'll seek happiness immediately coz i am sad n i cannot put up with being sad for too long. i'm an impatient guy. i demand myself to do something abt it be4 long. why are some ppl able to put up with the bad feeling for so long n i can't? if i miss someone i'll find/sms/call that person. but apparently a lot of ppl don't.
maybe i'm not worthed missing. why is there a wall in between us? we cannot even talk much without me feeling super uncomfortable. the silence is deafening.
why don't ppl look happy everytime when they go out even if they're alone? why don't ppl smile more? i like to smile lots n appear happy to everyone all the time. ppl that i'm not close to probably thinks that i am happy always.. haha.. i smile n laugh lots. i dun see y someone should take a picture without a smile. u should be happy mah.. got thing to remember this day by..
so many years together apparently my right brain is tell me that i am not worthed missing at all.. no phone calls, no sms, no meet up.. haiz,.. if i realli so bad, useless or worthless then i'll realli bury myself n cry lah.. after 4 years now then noe.. i realli should go n die.. ppl ask me.. "after 4 years then u say characters dun match.." WTF! yes.. i'm F***er.. haiz. i ruin everything.. haiz
-- above is me ranting away to get myself exhausted so that i hv no energy to feel sad --
Bean blubbered at [11:50]
_____________
Friday, June 25, 2004
This morning was sad. i cried. haiz. i suddenly remember a web page n i read its contents again n again. n i cried n cried. haiz.. sometimes i dunno what i want. when i feel sad, n i noe someone wants to console me, i'll try to put on a brave front n let them be satisfied. but i am not ok yet. i dunno y... sometime i sad no one console me. haiz. maybe my demand for attention/care is too much.. haiz.
there's only one person in the entire world that noes me veri veri well.. becoz i seldom divulge the inner inner most feelings to any other ppl. maybe i let her noe me too well.. maybe i seek to be too relaxed in front of the person. it's not the first time i've trusted someone only to either on purpose or accidentally hurt by them.
sometimes i wonder why others can put up such a brave front. n i can't. when i'm sad, i'll seek happiness immediately coz i am sad n i cannot put up with being sad for too long. i'm an impatient guy. i demand myself to do something abt it be4 long. why are some ppl able to put up with the bad feeling for so long n i can't? if i miss someone i'll find/sms/call that person. but apparently a lot of ppl don't.
maybe i'm not worthed missing. why is there a wall in between us? we cannot even talk much without me feeling super uncomfortable. the silence is deafening.
why don't ppl look happy everytime when they go out even if they're alone? why don't ppl smile more? i like to smile lots n appear happy to everyone all the time. ppl that i'm not close to probably thinks that i am happy always.. haha.. i smile n laugh lots. i dun see y someone should take a picture without a smile. u should be happy mah.. got thing to remember this day by..
so many years together apparently my right brain is tell me that i am not worthed missing at all.. no phone calls, no sms, no meet up.. haiz,.. if i realli so bad, useless or worthless then i'll realli bury myself n cry lah.. after 4 years now then noe.. i realli should go n die.. ppl ask me.. "after 4 years then u say characters dun match.." WTF! yes.. i'm F***er.. haiz. i ruin everything.. haiz
-- above is me ranting away to get myself exhausted so that i hv no energy to feel sad --
Blabbered
bean
@
11:50
//
