stop dreaming, melvyn.. grieve and get over it. be strong & brave thru this. do not be vulnerable and let urself get hurt again..
Bean blubbered at [20:52]
Llewell is on the ORD magazine(in the making) back page!! cool pic eh? all thanks to hongwen & co..
Bean blubbered at [20:49]
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hmmm... went for lesson.. felt that i was realli realli lousy initially.. the instructor also dunno why he keep speaking to me in chinese.. the clutch & accelerator in chinese i dun understand. also while he was giving reference to the radius of the curve i also dun understand. luckily for me, i opened my 'golden' mouth and asked. only then did my driving improve..
he was initially so disappointed with me that i realli feel veri embarrassed. he kept shaking his head which made me feel worse.. i think when i'm under his lessons i must ask whenever i am in doubt and agree with him abt my mistakes and not to explain why i made the mistake. when i try to explain why i commit the mistake, he has the impression that i'm pushing the blame away.. actually i dun mean to.
but as i improved upon his teachings, he was veri visably glad that his advice were heeded. i feel this is the approach i should take when in contact with anyone.. perhaps my intentions thru out my 20 over yrs of life were not 100% accurately expressed.
i am not evil at heart. i never seek revenge. never. i dun plot against ppl. not least against my frens. i may be a little rash and playful though. i seek forgiveness from all my friends who've felt i've gone over the line. if i seem to repeat the mistakes which have been told to me abt before, it usually means i dun understand totally the crux of the problem. do have a bit more patience.. i'll improve.. juz like how i showed my instructor today.. =)
Bean blubbered at [21:12]
Bad bad bad.. the sky's all so dark, gloomy, cloudy.. And i have a class 3 practical lesson exactly one hour from now.. which brought me to ponder.. How many times have i made a request to the supposed God(or heaven) hoping for no rain? when i was younger, i used to realli pray hard for it by singing the "Rain rain go away, come again another day.." song.
i got my Provisional Driving License(PDL) today. it cost me 25 bucks. aww.. this month i'm running low already.. Practical Lessons and PDL and, of course, the Great Singapore Sale. Pay day faster come..
Aww... this is bad. last night i shouldn't have done it. i'm wrecking my brains thinking what adverse effect there is now.. urgh.. so much regret yet before doing it, my heart so much wanted to do it. i hope it's okay..
I'm not doing okay. damn. i keep pissing ppl off.. i'm so irritating. everytime i think of them, i try to start a conversation with them. wanting to be closer to them. to improve the relationship. but i always end up doing the opposite. i'm such an irritance. maybe i should just wait for ppl to start conversations with me next time.. i'm sorry for being irritating. hope u'll forgive me.. i fear the ignorance of my dear friends..
"In Tug-Of-War, the one who pulls harder, falls harder when the rope snaps."
Bean blubbered at [17:55]
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Whoo Hoo.. monday in camp was a breeze for me. ippt was conducted but i've already gotten my gold for both my years in ns so i'm exempted. slept thru out the morning as well as afternoon amid interrupts like encik falling us in for some 'fun' of his.. i think he too bored liao now no activities going on.. once a while must 'play' with us.. make us do push-ups etc.. sometime makes me so 'dulan'..
went for my practical lesson scheduled at 1640h-1820h. i'm so blur. haha.. (now i noe why i laugh a lot. coz there are juz too many instances to laugh at my own goof-ups! haha..) i actually arrived rather early loh.. around 1610h. but i waited for the vehicle 49 at the shelter. i din noe i must walk to the car park to find my vehicle. thus started lesson a bit later..
today my driving was enjoyable. i won't say i did well.. i actually engine stall more times than the previous lesson! but.. my turning is more accurate le.. (got mount curb la.. oni one time.. haha..) did turning in the circuit in the inner lane. which means more difficult turning. my alignment of the vehicle in the middle of the lane was alrite this time.. hee.. also learn to stop at stopline/traffic light, signal and change lane etc..
seriously i can't wait for my next lesson. which happens to be on wednesday.. managed to book a slot once i reached home. such was my enthusiasm.. haha.. so now i hv around 6 lessons booked on hand.. subject to swopping la.. coz a lot all in late august one. ssdc business so good. see... haiz.
oh ya.. must remember to book my pdl before my next lesson. hmmm.. ok.. gtg.. rushing off to camp le.. dun wanna reach camp too late. later kena scolding..
Bean blubbered at [21:16]
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a phonecall received changed my mood. private number again. i just knew it was from you the moment i saw private number. u're the only person who uses private number to call me on a 'regular' basis. i'm glad it's not my fault. i'm glad u're ok now. thanks for the call. the pain still lingers. but no hatred at all.. no hard feelings. i wish you wouldn't do it often. i was hurt deep.
Bean blubbered at [18:25]
morning awoke around 0830h. my pc alarm clock works perfectly and effectively. one missed call. unexpectingly yet wishing-i-was-wrong-ly deleted the missed call number. was from juis. gave him a call after brushing up. he wanted to inform me that he could be earlier than he'd said ytd nite.
late again, i took a cab down. picked up nep & juis. met okh. played badminton. hmm.. i haven lost my drop shot touch sia.. hee ;) my smash still ain't dipping enough. my back court skills could be improved but my near-net play was good. it has always been my style to wanna win in sports with cool & effortlessly looking displays.. especially soccer.
braved the rain to the mrt station & crazy me brought michelle to j8. did some quickie shopping there and reached home at 1pm. bought bread home. had 2 slices with cheese for lunch. plus coffee of cos.. played flash games at www[dot]KillSomeTime[dot]com while lunching till 1600h. transit via bus 269 then mrt to town.
orchard 1730h. with michelle. visited borders, shaw towers, takashimaya & wisma atria isetan. got 2 pairs of trousers from isetan shaw towers. one from Goldlion the other from Sergio Tacchini. got new briefs. (i'll leave out the brand.) And nah.. i'm not a boxer man. =P wanted to find shirt but either not satisfied with price or design. another day perhaps. my shortlist is growing.. damnz.. :(
Yishun. 2000h. dinner with the guys with michelle tagging along. forgot to tell the guys that michelle is joining us for the show. luckily still managed to get a ticket for michelle last min. Initial D. I found it a nice movie to watch.. though it was pretty predictable that jay would win in the end, it was still a good watch. maybe i was just thinking too much.. trying to anticipate or imagine that he might lose somewhere.. it's queer to be willing him on to win yet anticipating his downfall somewhere.. maybe i do worry too much..
jm, kp, jonas & michelle all had a particular reason to watch the show. jm, kp & jonas followed the anime.. michelle was there for edison. my reason? simply coz my pals & sis wanna watch. yes, i enjoyed the show. but i always felt it's the company i have that makes it so much betta. yeah.. i'll never ever watch a movie alone..
On the way home on kp's van, something is brooding me. i couldn't understand my reactions. i had juz watched a nice show with good frens & sis. yet i ain't feeling good. missing something or someone?? hmmmmm....
i couldn't think of any valid reason for what's happening. nothing was said so how would i know? nothing happened. i did nothing. then why? i wanna treat it like nothing's wrong. i wanna let it be. please let me forget. but i noe i won't.. until i delete some stuff from my phone. why don't i ever understand what's happening? i'm not used to changes. i dun like changes. another mystery for me.
"brainwashing service? this is melvyn. i need you to send some guy down to my place at... blah blah blah.. hello? hello? Are you there?". Damn.. i forgot to dial.
Bean blubbered at [00:16]
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Giving up hope is NOT my forte. but it certainly makes feeling better. if that's the way to feel betta, i shall comply. maybe i should learn to not be too stubborn.. let things take is natural course. maybe i'm running away, but it's not exactly my choice.. i will forget.. let me forget.. i dun want to hv that feeling.. it's veri torturing... i'll play my games. live my simple life. give up the thought. at least for a while..
Bean blubbered at [01:09]
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feeling troubled. what do i want in life? i noe i should have already applied for an overseas university by now. but i haven't. i noe i shouldn't long for it now, yet i do. i noe i should be learning car at a faster rate, but i'm not.(i'm still at practical 1 & i haven applied for pdl.)
i keep thinking when i tell myself not to. i reckon i should juz ignore whatever i desire but i hv this longing. i wanna noe why, yet i hear & know nothing.. i'm sad but i dun look so. i'm bored yet i've no solutions.
in the day, i'm not tired juz bored. i dun wanna sleep yet i do. at night, i'm also bored. but i already slept in the day or i din do anything strenuous to tire myself to sleep. i dunno how the guys can juz flip over and sleep.(with the lights on!!) i can't.
sometimes i dun wanna eat but feel like eating. sometimes i feel hungry but dun feel like eating. i may be with frens but i feel lonely.. i fear being ignored.. it's the worst torture handed out to me.. :~(
Bean blubbered at [20:21]
Something true to share..
When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you're, Miss you!!!
When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you're.
When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile,
He is not and feels hurts.
When a GUY keep asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him forever.
When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.
When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.
When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.
When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.
Bean blubbered at [19:24]
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last minute thing, this morning's badminton cancelled. the date oso cancelled. urgh.. boredom took over.. entertained myself with ps2 & some net surfing. well, net surfing without kakis to chat with is pretty boring.. decided to go orchard to shop.
damn! got mistaken as promoter again!! do i hv a sales promoter face or what? next weeks ago, i wore a black polo tee to royal sporting house. my frens happen to ask me how to choose a pair of soccer boots. so i shared my views on how to choose a pair to them. a couple probably overheard and came over.. asking me how much is an item after discount. embarrassed, i told them i ain't no promoter. they went away.
at the same store same day, i was walking and browsing my own stuff when a girl came up to me and asked (not for my number lah..) for the some information about a sale item. again i had to turn her down. my fren who saw it from some where off thought i had actually hit on her.. urgh. i wouldn't do that! i'm a very shy guy.. hee ;)
these two mistaken identities were explained when i saw a sales person wearing a black polo tee with the royal sporting house logo at the top left of the chest. made a small minder not to wear black polo tee into royal sporting house.
today ! was much worst! i was again mistaken for a sales promoter. an ang moh couple came up to me but be4 they could inquire about something i told them i ain't working there.. they apologized and found the orange polo tee clothed promoter. And i was wearing a white t-shirt! hmmm... maybe i do have a sales promoter look.. which reminds me of the time in poly when my class was looking at our admin student card pix. and we gave each other's pix an opinion. i still remember they say kelvin's look like some china guy, some look like ah long etc.. and they said my pic look like a salesman. hmmm..
shopping was boring alone as well.. i got a free magazine at gas. it's pretty nice. it can serve as a notebook as well.. i like the nice designs inside.. i wish i can graphic design as well.. but i'm hopeless in drawing. if i could draw, i'd be able to fulfill my desire to be a graphic designer. haiz. i spent a lot of time reading thru it but it was worthwhile.
went bedok. read my magazine at a neighbourhood playground. took a bus to a police division headquarters. took bus to bedok interchange. took mrt home. felt a little down. a tad neglected. often silence conquered. why why why?
Bean blubbered at [22:28]
mine... not transferrable.. of coz.. skills can't be transferred ma..
Bean blubbered at [02:40]
my reward of a day's hardwork..
Bean blubbered at [02:39]
so resort-like. gotta come soak someday.. maybe on some day after climbing..
Bean blubbered at [02:37]
look at the pool..
Bean blubbered at [02:36]
couple couple.. oni me n jm single.. hmmm..
Bean blubbered at [02:36]
off to lunch.. the 6 of us..
Bean blubbered at [02:35]
yea, managed to get pretty high.. let's see.. is that an ant nest?
Bean blubbered at [02:35]
llewell hang on there!
Bean blubbered at [02:34]
me showing the way up !
Bean blubbered at [02:34]
another classmate falling..
Bean blubbered at [02:34]
macho hunk. experienced climbers..
Bean blubbered at [02:33]
dare devil babe!
Bean blubbered at [02:33]
Lifen trying hard on wall 6..
Bean blubbered at [02:28]
here comes the huge Tarzan... i was swept off my feet literally sia..
Bean blubbered at [02:28]
belaying llewell requires jm to hold on to me. else i'll juz fly up while he comes down!
Bean blubbered at [02:27]
i conquered wall 5 !
Bean blubbered at [02:27]
almost there...
Bean blubbered at [02:26]
llewell conquered wall 6 too!
Bean blubbered at [02:26]
jm first to conquer wall 6!
Bean blubbered at [02:25]
me doing a serious job of belaying... "a life in ur hands.. never let go of the rope.."
Bean blubbered at [02:24]
llewell doing a good job belaying...
Bean blubbered at [02:23]
pink can't tahan anymore..
Bean blubbered at [02:22]
llewell's pink trying to be a lizard.. haha
Bean blubbered at [02:22]
jm the most competent climber among us..
Bean blubbered at [02:21]
'test run'... the girl on the left climbing is lifen. fren of pink. llewell oogling at some other girls probably..
Bean blubbered at [02:20]
mini-lecture.tutorial learning the theory part. that's our tall instructor(in red). & lotsa girls signed up for it..
Bean blubbered at [02:19]
earlybird bean..
Bean blubbered at [02:18]
The empty walls. the one on the extreme left is the flat wall we used to 'test run'.. we were oni allowed up to the 8th tile..
Bean blubbered at [02:17]
The early birds we are.. jm filling up some form be4 starting on the course..
Bean blubbered at [02:16]
Safra Yishun's National Rock Climbing Centre.
Bean blubbered at [02:16]
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went rock climbing today! woke up at 0650h. prepared a light breakfast & coffee and surfed the net for a while. before i know it, i'm rushing off to safra yishun. i took a cab. was the earliest to reach the place. jm was next. then llewell and his gf, pink. lifen(fren of pink) who lived nearby them came together with them. her bf alvin came much later.
the course started off with a mini-lecture/tutorial teaching the theory part. covering the different equipment etc. spotting condemned & unusable caribiners, ropes etc.. i was pretty naughty in class.. causing some laughter with dumb answers to the instructor's questions.
hands on straight after lunch. we learnt how to put on the harness. then proceeded to the wall. they demonstrated the way to belay(be the rope man) to us. then let us each have a chance to try climb up a flat wall as well a chance to belay.
after we 'graduate' from the flat wall, we proceeded to the more challenging ones.. we spent the whole afternoon pitting our wits and skills with walls 4, 5 & 6. jm was by far the best climber among us. his initiative & alertness while belaying is good too. wall 4 is the hardest among the 3 walls.. lotsa bumpy surface. none of us manage to 'conquer' it. will be going back again to practice more another day.. (pix will be uploaded later..)
after getting our sports climbing level one card/cert, we went to a coffeeshop near northpoint for dinner. we split after dinner. me n jm went to gv and got ourselves tix to batman begins at 2110h. watched all the way to 2345h. i slept quite a lot in the cinema. i find it pretty boring. plus all the fatigue accumulated from lack of sleep & also the rock climbing etc.. took a cab home.
a fren's going on holiday to genting. hope u'll enjoy urself.. wish u health & strength on ur trip. wish u eat heartily and happily with ur family and enjoy the family bliss i will never ever enjoy again.. take good care of urself..
another fren's down and veri sad coz of a family argument. police report somemore. u din tell me much coz u said "jia cou bu ke wai yang". i respect that decision. juz hope u'll recover ur normal self soon. i'm down too coz of this. haiz. i feel so helpless. i wish i can be ur listening ear to console. to make u feel better. take good care of urself too..
Bean blubbered at [23:59]
the 5 of us who sang...
Bean blubbered at [01:15]
there were so many tables here...
Bean blubbered at [01:14]
Look at the big room
Bean blubbered at [01:13]
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tomolo's rock climbing day.. yay! hee.. by tomolo evening i'll get my cert. haha. hmmm.. 0915h at the wall. hmm.. wonder if i can make it there on time. i slept merely 4 hours last night. playing ps2 till 4+ 5+ am.. tonight sleeping late again.
hmmm.. today sang to my heart's content! sang from 3pm to 6pm with llewell, eeping, juis & sim.. first time i go sing in such a big room. it was the last room available ma.. it's a room meant for 20 i guess.. haha.. there were 2 wireless microphones & 2 wired ones..upload some pix later..
had dinner at cafe cartel with llewell, his gf, her fren & eeping. i had the meat lovers set meal. pretty okay.. but quite filling.. dun wanna grow even fatter later.. hmm.. must control my diet a bit more for the next few days..
i juz wanna a simple happy life.. but sometimes it's hard to put off what u need coz u wanna go for another priority first..
Bean blubbered at [23:44]
2-week & 4-year..
2-week
you're special. yes, you.. the one special fren i felt happy to still be able to maintain despite me pissing ya off many a time. the one special fren a song could trigger me to think of. the one special fren i recorded my sillyly sang 2 songs. effort doesn't equate with what u sow here but it's all worthwhile coz i know i did my best. thanks again for being my fren..
4-year
as with you, i'm pretty sad that we no longer seemed to be frens anymore. once when u would be mad at me for not remembering ur address well.. now u even have to ask me for my address to send me back something i lent ya.. i noe u're avoiding me. not wanting to meet up.i noe u're happy now. i wish u well.. i oni hope for a simple frenship.. still i'll respect ur choice no matter..
Bean blubbered at [02:18]
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The past week was a utterly tiring one. coc parade on thursday. co bunk inspection on friday. thus thru out the week, we were marching, cleaning, marching, cleaning... usually after a tiring day of marching & rehearsing for the actual parade, waking up as early as 0515h and reaching back camp from bedok camp late at night as late as 2100h, we still have to contempt with cleaning our whole company thoroughly.. i was pretty stressed up too.. but i'm glad it's over..
tomolo will be in town singing ktv with some platoon mates.. i wanna do some shopping of my own too.. gonna get the striped shirt. hmmm.. pretty inexpensive too.. wondering whether to get another one which is more expensive.. around 3 digit price. hmm.. but then maybe i shouldn't overspend.. damn.. spending money on gifts for loved ones always seemed easier for me. whenever i need to get something more expensive for myself, usually i'll do lots more research n pondering..
sunday will be rock climbing at yishun safra.. hmmm.. eventful weekend.. monday will be going out too.. but haven planned the itinery for monday yet.. booking in monday 2359h.
haiz.. i'm confused. i want yet dun dare.. i wasn't like this. i used to be more daring.. why? coz i'm scared now? no... i'll sort it out one day. perhaps now's not the time. i'll be back. mark my words.
Bean blubbered at [11:59]
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Snapped up !! found it pretty cheap.. oni SGD 10.40
Bean blubbered at [13:47]
Class 3 Practical Dates to remember:
- 19 July 2005 (Tuesday) 0835h (lucky i checked. got dental apptment that day)
- 20 July 2005 (Wednesday) 1245h
- 21 July 2005 (Thursday) 1640h
Got the cheaper timings.. but they're a loong loong way to go.. damn.. must be coz of the school holidays...
Bean blubbered at [13:35]
Do you think i'll look good in this??
Or is this better?
Bean blubbered at [12:45]
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taken on thursday nights off while with juis at cineleisure. that's a weapon every star wars fan will fancy owning..
Bean blubbered at [01:28]
potato's finally back n the 3 sinister characters are plotting and planning on how to battle it out.. !
Bean blubbered at [01:27]
jilin's infantry(green beret)
Bean blubbered at [01:26]
tim's orderly arrangement of his seeds..
Bean blubbered at [01:26]
the all blacks of felix's. armour ??
Bean blubbered at [01:26]
the unmanaged khaki guardsmen of potato who was away washing vehicle..
Bean blubbered at [01:25]
the supposed commandoes of darren playing taupok as he calls it... haha
Bean blubbered at [01:25]
my neatly arranged army on standby.. haha
Bean blubbered at [01:24]
the late comer.. made all us wait while he is washing the vehicle..
Bean blubbered at [01:24]
playing risk in bunk!! i'm blue, darren's red, jilin's green, felix's black, tim's yellow & potato's khaki..we're currently waiting for potato to finish washing a rover be4 returning it n coming back to play..
Bean blubbered at [01:23]
the dreaded jacob's ladder of a recruit?!! now no kick to us loh..
Bean blubbered at [01:21]
arty camp with the soc ground
Bean blubbered at [01:21]
taken from tonner while leaving khatib camp for dieppe barracks.. some artillery weapons being camouflaged..
Bean blubbered at [01:20]
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