Sunday, September 26, 2004

hmmm... it's sunday... it's been a veri long week for me. going to Ex Suman Warrior is so sucky. it should be named Ex SaiGang Warrior.. stupid... all the way SP Coy covering Logistics... then those back in Dieppe Barrack relac one corner.. it is so unfair.. they were supposed to be the failures in IPPT etc so they have to do extra training in camp but end up we super super shag n they super duper relac.. life is never fair..

i oni juz booked out on sunday morning. as cat b i should booking out on a friday night. then TUFF ppl in Dieppe booked out on friday night n almost every night of the week can nights off.. haiz.. saturday cannot book out oso coz sunday got ARMY HALF MARATHON 2004.. sianz.. sat night must sleep by 2100h n wake up 0500h on sunday. stupid shit.. urgh..

Call me no pride or whatever.. after being confined in camp from sunday night till sunday morning in ALTC doing SaiGang, i juz Farking got no mood to run lor.. pissed with army till cannot be more pissed ah... what 5 day week ! rubbish lor!! then tonight gotta book in 2230h somemore.. sianz ah.. i walked the entire 5km when i was supposed to walk, run or jog 12 km at least. i dun giva damn!

fren, i'm sorry.. maybe i've lost another fren. haiz. that's y i so sad. i've got no good frens in my life now.. jm was close.. but we dun meet up enuff.. the guys in my bunk? hmmm... dunno lah.. i noe i lazy.. so a lot of ppl dun like me.. but dunno lah.. maybe that's y ppl say some ppl u can be good frens with but not live together with.. haha.. i've no soulmate.. i juz wanna get outta army asap..

i wanna a bike. my own transport. hmmm.. but sometime i think it's dangerous too.. esp my pattern one.. haiz.. i veri "mao dun" one.. cannot make up my mind. i hate myself.. i need someone.. somebody with an influence to change me.. but all my frens are not the ppl that can influence me in my desired direction. haiz.. some who fitted the bill, i scared away.. i'm an idiotic nerd... fuck!

i wish i will be able to enjoy being the way i am more. i wish i am able to be satisfied with myself more. i wish i can love myself more. i wish i can be more confident. i wish i won't hurt anyone in the process of me being lazy. i wish i can be better with my family members. i wish i can make a betta fren to more ppl. i wish i dun irritate ppl too often to the point of no return. i wish to have a soul mate. i wish to have a very very good fren/ a gf. i wish to hv a life. i wish to hv a more active life.

study in U or to work? both got advantage lor. study is wasting money plus not financially independant. working is gaining experience plus some money. study at the same time is gaining knowledge, more frens(Big Pull), but losing time. advice please anyone? it all bore down to y guys hv to serve 2.5/2.25 yrs of army. wasting my youth..

3 fan nao in me now.. one: to learn bike or not? two: uni or work after army three: where n when is the girl coming into my life? gimme an antidote to life, someone.. i'm dying a lil' everyday,.. i wish jm was with me in signal platoon.. haiz
Blabbered bean @ 16:20 //

Sunday, September 19, 2004


another shot of the st margaret's girls
Blabbered bean @ 21:05 //

pose... smile... cheese...
Blabbered bean @ 21:04 //

haha... coincidentally met karwee who happens to be xiao ying's bf.. so small this world.. atgm platoon guy which i got to noe in signal platoon lah.. heh...
Blabbered bean @ 21:04 //

natural shot... the ei-d2 ppl...
Blabbered bean @ 21:03 //

Cas, Kelvo, Dav & Me!! heh...
Blabbered bean @ 21:02 //

the gift all packed up... n ready to pass to her
Blabbered bean @ 21:02 //

writing the note...
Blabbered bean @ 21:01 //

the gift before i put them in
Blabbered bean @ 20:59 //

closer n clearer.. babes galore.. too bad at least 3 outta 5 are attached...
Blabbered bean @ 20:59 //

this is ei first year.. whatever that's left of it.. haha
Blabbered bean @ 20:58 //

these are her sec sch frens.. hey.. i like that girl in skirt.. haaha.. wonder y she is atatched
Blabbered bean @ 20:57 //

jinny n her brother
Blabbered bean @ 20:57 //

the bride n the groom.. haha..
Blabbered bean @ 20:56 //

pretty babes!! heee.. these are her sim frens
Blabbered bean @ 20:56 //

jinny 3rd yr project ppl.. heh.. all ei one la..
Blabbered bean @ 20:55 //

Friday night could not book out. so sianz.. haiz. else i would hv gone to catch a movie loh.. y cannot book out? coz of the battalion swimming carnival on saturday morning loh.. And so we had a little fun on saturday morning at the pool with games like tug of war, horse wrestling, water polo, human submarine, etc.. but i felt it dragged on for too long, thus making the whole thing a bit sianz towards the end..

overall, it was quite ok lar.. the sun was good. but the dampening was done last night! those that helped out at ALTC on friday night could book out on friday night without having to take part in the swimming carnival while i, a cat B, helped out on thursday without any reward.. haiz.. so sianz loh.. so unfair...

so i booked out on saturday around 1pm. reached home to use my pc for a while.. then got ready to go jinny place for her bdae.. reached her place at around 1830h. KweeYen, Cason & David were already there.. Kelvin & I joined them chit chat loh.. first time go jinny house loh.. then find her house rather similar to my auntie's place oso loh.. oni the arrangment very odd lah. she has this big big fridge in the living room! haha.. cute..

had buffet at the place for dinner then watched the arsenal vs bolton game in her living room while we chit chatted.. there were a few pretty girls which were invited too! hee.. there's this girl with a pink top from jinny's sec sch. and of coz the girls from sim.. nv got intro loh.. haha.. the blue skirt, the silvery grey top girl, & the white t-shirt taken girl.. apple didn't show up.. hmmm....

we left after cutting cake around 2230h. i went to orchard. bought tix at lido to watch the terminal. the time? 0245h show.. crazy right?? met up with her around 2330h liddat. walked around orchard. nowadays orchard road is like a strolling park to me lor.. walk until devils bar, then back to taka then across to paragon, lucky plaza then marriot.. haha.. juz stroll n chit chat. she dun allow me to sit. she say she juz now go chalet eat a lot then must walk to burn the calories away.. haha.. in the end we walked to lido n wait a hour plus for our movie.. as she lay on the table i stroked n play with her hair and hands loh.. heh.. i always like to small disturb sleeping ppl.. kekkee.. in camp oso...

inside the theatre, she was cold.. veri cold thru out the show. i helped her rub her shoulders, hands & to a lesser extent her thighs. gave her a big hug too.. the feeling is a little different. coz this time she's not asleep. she knows clearly what i am doing. i always find hugging nice.. hee.. after the show, we took a cab home.. she was visibly veri stone n tired. i wish i could like hold her or something but i guess i shouldn't so i didn't.. heh... yes.. i still like her.. but i still think she won't agree... reach her place at 0530h then i alighted with her. wanted to walk her up. but somehow i scared she not happy with that so i juz walk her to the lift then i walk home.. slept around 0600h.

awoke around 1400h by kp phonecall.. haha.. ask me go centre see game, buy groceries and i also need to cut hair loh.. sianz... and so met them. bought winning eleven 8 ate some curry puffs, vistied the barber and bought some groceries and took a bus to my place to try out the game. heh.. they left around 6pm then i started blogging.. dragged until now then finish blogging.. haha.. time to prepare to book in to Army Logistics Training Centre (ALTC) in Kranji Camp somewhere in Yew Tee le.. haven eat dinner also.. siaoz.. k lah.. byee...
Blabbered bean @ 17:44 //

Sunday, September 12, 2004

ok, finally reluctantly i update my blog for this weekend. (if u even call it a weekend.) friday night didn't book out while the whole battalion booked out less the 2NTM ppl of coz.. long weekend given.. i kena guard duty on friday night till saturday morning. then book out.

then saturday night book in for ops room duty. fish.. can't watch soccer also loh.. sianz. the whole night feeling rather low morale lor.. playing solitaire and pinball on the pc there.. slept minimal hours thinking of sad thoughts and wishing my fate will be good to me. at times the heart cried, at times it juz recovered miraculously for a while when she told me to cheer up. she wasn't feeling good either. she was moody. she said she felt like boozing. not me.. i dun think i want. though it was tempting. fell asleep on the floor.. sunday morning book out but by 2230h must book in le.. so morale still quite low..

met up with jm at north point to hv breakfast together. wan tan mee.. hee.. hv the crave for it suddenly.. been having it for breakfast on both sat n sunday... the yishun one wins hands down.. heh.. yummy.. should go back some other time for breakfast too!! came to my place to play ps2. winning eleven.. 3 players.. shiok.. going to bugis soon.. shall update more if i am free later which is unlikely.. haha..

thou shalt not ask for more. thou shalt be patient. thou shalt accept fate...
Blabbered bean @ 14:24 //

Thursday, September 09, 2004

wednesday night i booked out for my one day off.. this is compensation for burning some of our weekends doing ops room duty. bathed then went out. we took 76 to east coast park. really unlucky to run into some noisy indians on the bus. they spoilt the trip. we were chatting lor then they make so much noise we juz shared a discman n listen to music.

chatted lots, walked rather little compared to that night but thoroughly enjoyed it.. i juz liked the way we could chat heaven n earth, small thing big thing anything and enjoy the night.. i had fun. i wonder if she did too.. one worst thing happened to me.. haha.. my favourite gadget low batt le... then i nv bring spare batts. if you still dunno what i'm talking about, it's the digicam.. anyway, she wouldn't hv allowed la..

we wandered around siaming indians (haha!), visited macdonald's for sinful activities like gorging fries & ice-cream, 7-11 for drinks and chocs then walked around somemore in the hope of making up for committing the sins.. haha.. crazy.. we found this short short table n short short chairs.. but we had a long long talk sitting on these short short chairs. haha..

eventually, we settled on this bench that was facing the sea. the breeze was tremendous and constant. we juz sat there sometimes chatting sometimes juz looking at the horizon hoping to see the sunrise. i was awake and somber thru out the night. sentry sia.. she juz fell asleep and dropped onto my broad shoulders and warm hug. she was cold i could see. but i had already tried my best.

it juz remained this way as she slept and i realli couldn't stop myself from liking her. i had the early morning toilet urge but i juz couldn't bring myself to wake her. she was still sound asleep on my shoulder mah.. hee =) i've always like having apple asleep around me last time while i watched over her.. now it's HL MILK turn.. hmmm... i juz tahan until the sun is up before i told her i need to visit the toilet.. felt this acute pain at my side loh.. but nvm la..

i wasn't feeling the tiredness yet. my eyes ain't even red or panda eyed.. but she was realli 'seh'.. haha.. we bought tooth brush n tooth paste and brushed up at macdonald's!! haha... then we ordered a big breakfast each.. she looked so stoned. i was wondering if she knew abt it. i dropped hints everywhere.. but it seemed to me that she dunno a thing.

after breakfast, we walked back to the bus stop and waited for our bus. perhaps we were tired, thus the wait made me realli impatient. once on the bus, she dropped again. seeing her uncomfortable posture, i offered my shoulder again.. i din believed she had fallen asleep so deeply so fast. so i kissed her. hoping she'll know and react. she din.. she was juz so soundly asleep again.. haiz. hugging her, i dozed off at times too.. and i walked her home right up to her doorstep. she was like drunk.. haha.. when all she had last night was milk and plain water. i walked home after that. =(

i felt strange now. there was joy, happiness, disappointment, sadness as well as embarrassment. thou shalt be satisfied with what i have. thou shalt be patient. thou shalt not feel sad when she talks about B. thou shalt not ask for more. thou shalt not expect anything. thou shalt not reveal anything more than she liked.. may god pardon me of my sins last night.
Blabbered bean @ 18:29 //

Sunday, September 05, 2004

updates time! friday night booked out.. the 4 cat 'B's of last month changed to 3. juis n eeping dropped. so sianz. i hate that. but i'm oso lucky to hv retained lor.. karhwee is the new entry. me n tim retained too.. after book out. took bus home. then put my stuff to wash, surfed a bit of net then rush out to orchard. wanted to surprise a fren of mine. but turn out i almost chicken out. i juz dare not go up to her stall n surprise her lor.. maybe it's coz she's not working alone that night.

waited from 2000h++ till 2200h when she close shop. actually sms her to say i was waiting for her but she was too busy to read the sms. finally met up. first time meet sia. i was realli realli shy. tried my best to talk le hor? haha.. bought her Famous Amos Cookies & HL Milk. but she didn't accept them. =(

intending only to pass her the cookies n milk then if i feel brave enough, send her home. but turned out she was not that keen to go home. so we strolled around orchard. sat at BK for a while too n chit chat a lot. at cineleisure, bought movie tix for the next night too! i think next time i'll buy tix a day or two in advance. no need for long queues which i hate. gonna watch 13 going on 30 on sunday morning 0115h. Talked abt arcade then juz felt like going but it was closed so we played pool instead.. then we shared cab home loh. i made a mistake. i should hv sent her home first. but turn out she beat me to it. the cab dropped me off first.

saturday awoke realli late. smsing her was the first thing i wanna do. she's not awake yet. nvm, i'll wait. went out at around 1600h. i went over to her block to pick her up. not in a car. juz the two legs i hv. haha.. i poor what.. what to do? haha... we went arcade, shopping/looking around orchard. i bought a bookmark for apple. why? i dunno why.. saw book mark then think of her lor. then feel like getting her one. n so i got her one. bought amos cookies again. 200grams this time. intend to munch them later in the movies. had dinner at swensens. ran into her friends. a bit awkward for me loh.. after dinner we walked around. talked a lot getting to noe one another.

thru sms, i got to noe that my buddy watching the same movie as me. same time n same location somemore. weiming is there too. i dun like him n dun feel like seeing him. so we went in 15-20 minutes late on purpose. the show was nice. veri sweet lei.. i wish i could hv a happy ending too. but it doesn't look good lor.. haa =( the stroll after the movie was the bestest bestest i ever had. i've always longed to be able to chat with someone i like while having a long stroll. but apple dun like to walk too long ma n she can't realli be home that late. i've always loved the night.

booking in soon.. i guess i'll juz continue to be the breeze that will blow the snoke flake back to the tall mountain everytime.. at least i get to blow the snow flake around and enjoy the company of the snow flake.. trying-to-be-happy bean

Blabbered bean @ 20:22 //